Vomit Study: Lesson 4

Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.

Fools repeat the same mistake over and over again, expecting different results. By this definition, I am a fool. I have done the same sins over and over again, expecting different results, only to find myself in the early stages of a divorce, living in an empty apartment, almost friendless, and my kids barely see me. Not worth it. Not worth it at all. God is waiting for me to repent. So that is what I am doing. I repent.

Repentance is a choice. "If you repent, I will restore you," as it is written in Jeremiah 15. It comes across as a promise. God's promises can be held true. My promises haven't held true in a long time. I sometimes don't know what was wrong with me, but for the fact that I am the worst of sinners. My therapist tells me, reminds me, that I am a divine being having a human experience that sometimes sins. The fact is that I am indeed a divine being having a human experience that does indeed sin from time to time.

Psalm 119:9
How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.

Purity has been my downfall. I haven't stayed pure for a long period of time. I struggle with being pure. But the promise here is that if I depend on God's word, clean my heart out, then I can stay on the path of purity. It doesn't say that there won't be struggles, but it does say that it can keep me on the path of purity by living on God's word. So that is what I am going to do.

Vomit Study: Lesson 3

Leviticus 20:22-24
“‘Keep all my decrees and laws and follow them, so that the land where I am bringing you to live may not vomit you out. You must not live according to the customs of the nations I am going to drive out before you. Because they did all these things, I abhorred them. But I said to you, “You will possess their land; I will give it to you as an inheritance, a land flowing with milk and honey.” I am the Lord your God, who has set you apart from the nations.

God desires obedience. If you don't obey, you get kicked out. I should know this all too well. My sins pushed me away and out of the fellowship. It appears that getting back into the fellowship is going to be harder, much harder than I anticipated. I am trying to be the squeaky wheel that gets the oil, but my efforts seem fruitless thus far. I am not sure what else to do. I want to be restored. I want to do the work. I need to know what I need to know to make my heart changes. It is frustrating.

Galatians 6:1
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.

Maybe this is part of the gentle process. I feel like I am being tested, which is a good thing. Testing is good.

Vomit Study: Lesson 2

Leviticus 18:24-28

"‘Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. But you must keep my decrees and my laws. The native-born and the foreigners residing among you must not do any of these detestable things, for all these things were done by the people who lived in the land before you, and the land became defiled. And if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you.

This is a promise. If you defile the people around you, you will be pushed away, pushed out from the things that you love. No sin goes unpunished. Boy can I attest to that. Here I am living away from my family, I got served divorce papers today and simply couldn't focus on work, so I was sent home early. I have done detestable things, unspeakable things, that have hurt my marriage and the marriage vomited me out.

Deuteromony 30:1-3
When all these blessings and curses I have set before you come on you and you take them to heart wherever the Lord your God disperses you among the nations, and when you and your children return to the Lord your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you.

Here is my hope, that God has compassion and restores my fortunes from which I was scattered. The promise is that I take these things to heart and obey the Lord. God loves obedience. And that is all I can offer him.

Vomit Study

Proverbs 23:6-8
Do not eat the food of a begrudging host, do not crave his delicacies; for he is the kind of person who is always thinking about the cost. “Eat and drink,” he says to you, but his heart is not with you. You will vomit up the little you have eaten and will have wasted your compliments.

I haven't posted in a while, due to me being lazy and hard hearted. I think I am getting better now. I believe my heart needs to be where it is at for me to recover from my addictions. I have quit the things I need to quit now it is time to do the good things that I need to do. I have been getting a lot of advice for the past few days, my wife has filed for divorce, and I can't blame her. I have been a jerk and a glutton for a long time. It served as a wake up call for me to get busy on my recovery. I miss them. I miss my family a whole lot. I am so sorry for the things I have done and wish only to restore my relationship with them. Only God can do that now. It is out of my hands, really at this point.

Begrudge (verb):

• to envy or resent the pleasure or good fortune of (someone)
• to be reluctant to give or allow

Ever eaten with someone who seemed reluctant to serve? They seem nervous or anxious when you are over. I find it irritating to be around people like that. I am sure I have been guilty of it once or twice, only due to being new to the whole treating people when they come over. I am sure I will be guilty of it again, as it has been a long time since I have had friends over... all I ask is that you don't vomit your food up and allow some grace to play a part in my serving you.

Micah 6

Listen to what the Lord says:

“Stand up, plead my case before the mountains; let the hills hear what you have to say. “Hear, you mountains, the Lord’s accusation; listen, you everlasting foundations of the earth. For the Lord has a case against his people; he is lodging a charge against Israel.

“My people, what have I done to you? How have I burdened you? Answer me. I brought you up out of Egypt and redeemed you from the land of slavery. I sent Moses to lead you, also Aaron and Miriam. My people, remember what Balak king of Moab plotted and what Balaam son of Beor answered. Remember your journey from Shittim to Gilgal, that you may know the righteous acts of the Lord.”

With what shall I come before the Lord and bow down before the exalted God? Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousand rivers of olive oil? Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. 

Listen! The Lord is calling to the city —and to fear your name is wisdom— “Heed the rod and the One who appointed it. Am I still to forget your ill-gotten treasures, you wicked house, and the short ephah, which is accursed? Shall I acquit someone with dishonest scales, with a bag of false weights? Your rich people are violent; your inhabitants are liars and their tongues speak deceitfully. Therefore, I have begun to destroy you, to ruin you because of your sins. You will eat but not be satisfied; your stomach will still be empty. You will store up but save nothing, because what you save I will give to the sword. You will plant but not harvest; you will press olives but not use the oil, you will crush grapes but not drink the wine. You have observed the statutes of Omri and all the practices of Ahab’s house; you have followed their traditions. Therefore I will give you over to ruin and your people to derision; you will bear the scorn of the nations.”

Max Lucado

I had the pleasure of sitting in on a simulcast of Max Lucado speaking on the subject of Grace, which happens to be the title of his new book coming out. Here are some notes on the lesson.

John 8:2-11 some interesting points on this passage was that the woman was caught in adultery. That really hit home for me, as I have been caught in my sin a number of times. How does Jesus handle this? He stoops down and starts writing in the dust (or dirt), taking a lower position that the woman. When the people being to verbally push Jesus, he stands up and defends her. Isn't that interesting? Jesus defends me just as much, if not more so than that of that woman.

There was also a passage in Hebrews 7, although I am uncertain of the verse.

Romans 8:34 Jesus doesn't condemn. If I am to be like Jesus, then I shouldn't either.

Ezekiel 35:25-26 When I give Jesus my heart, he returns the favor. Jesus needs to dwell within me. When god hears my heartbeat, whose heart does he hear? My heart or the heart of Jesus?

Grace is what is done by Jesus IN me. Heaven into me. So why do I still behave bad? Transplants take time, it is a gradual process. Be strong in the grace. Grow in the grace. Have the heart of a sponge and not of a rock. Stand in the grace of God. Become a grace shaped person!

1st Corinthians 9

1st Corinthians 9: I am reading both books of Corinthians right now by the request of my wife. So far, it has been good reading. In this chapter, I see that I have to become all things to all people in order to save some. The race is marked out for me. I have to work for my recovery. I have to become something more than I already am so that I might save myself.

You see, I have become the homeless. I have become the jobless. I have become really good at being an addict. And now it is time to become something better. Now it is time to become someone recovered. As I type this at rehab, I reflect on that I have nearly 50 days pure and sober. I've lost my wife and kids, but there is hope that someday I will get them back, although to me it looks bleak. My friends have more hope about it than I do.

Anyway, it is nearing time to have to walk away from the computer, so I will close out there.

Pure in Heart: Lesson 3

Purity of Heart: 100% Satisfaction from God alone

Sexual Purity is 100% satisfaction from our spouse

Genesis 2:22-25 God and Adam were alone for a while with a complete spiritual relationship. Adam is giving a spouse God took a bone from next to his heart. Eve was created to be enough for Adam. Eve and Adam were enough emotionally, physically, and spiritually. He didn't need anyone else. She was enough to complete him sexually.

Ephesians 5:1-4 100% of our sexual gratification should be from our spouse. No place for jokes or improper thoughts because we are God's holy people. Sin doesn't belong with us. We are to be set apart from sin. Ephesians 5:7 Do not partners who do not hold the standard.

Matthew 5:27-29 Jesus takes away the look. Impurity is even looking at a woman. It is serious. How serious do we take the long look or the second look that brings the sexual fantasy?

1 Timothy 5:1-2 No sexual gratification going until it is a husband and wife.

Hebrews 13:4 Rules out sexual fantasy, pornography. Sex should be 100% about your spouse. Rules out masturbation. It is selfish, does not unify with anyone, and does not involve the spouse.

Mark 10:17-27 Living a pure life is possible with God.We become who we are with training with God. It is doable and a joy, not a burden. A beautiful life God gives to his children. The best sex are reserved for disciples who are living this pure life.

2 Timothy 2:22 Will I flee evil and will I pursue righteousness?

Exercises: Get an pencil and write out how I am getting sexual pleasure, sexual hits outside of marriage. Am I willing to hold to God's standards?

Pure in Heart: Lesson 2

Matthew 5:8
No greater promise than to see God.

Pure by definition

Pure honey has the only ingredient honey.

If I have a pure heart the only thing in there is the desire to please God and love God.

The Garden of Eden in Genesis 2:7-9. It is a pure place undefiled by sin. God's first son, Adam, gets to take walks with him, name creatures, and did all sorts of things with God. Adam was 130 years when Seth was born. Adam and God were alone for years attending the Garden for possibly years naming animals and having God to himself. Purity equals God alone.

Would I be fine with God alone, with everything stripped away? Would I be fine with just God and no ESPN, no Texas Rangers, no house, no friends, no family, no car... just me and God. Would I be full of joy? Am I drawing complete satisfaction from God?

Psalm 62:1-7

Sexual sin is the lie that God is not enough. God will not satisfy my desire. Addiction is the refusal to cling to God as the only person who can fill our deepest longings and ease our relational pain.

Blessed at the pure... if we are blessed, we can have our fullness in God alone.

Exercise: Take some time and picture when I was innocent before sexual sin had polluted my world. Try to reconnect with this time. Try to reengage what was going in my life in this time. I may need to create a place.

#2: Make a list of things that may compete with God for where I find my sole satisfaction. What do I look forward to on a daily basis. Fast from these things.

Psalm 63:5

Everywhere I look I will see God.

Pure in Heart: Lesson 1

Ephesians 4:19

Decision: to do whatever it takes to break free from sexual sin.

Restoring purity is a process - it will take time

1 Thessalonians 4:3-7Christians struggling with purity>

Don't Call It Love by Patrick Carnes
10 year process of recovery

Development of character!!! I need to develop character to overcome sin.

Romans 5:4

God is patient... God is not tolerant. God did not call us to be impure. He will not tolerate us with a life of sexual sin.

Am I willing to be honest over and over and over again?

Matthew 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

On the Mountain of the Lord: Lesson 2

John 9:1-5 Bad things just happen... why? to bring God glory in the end.

John 16:33 Fight it out with prayer! Fight it out with Bible Study! Fight it out with a friend by your side! The key is to fight out...

1 John 5:4 No such thing as normal, as normal is being right with God.

Psalm 139:13-17 We are all wonderfully made.

Hebrews 3:4 God made my child and made us special parents

Psalm 139:16 God wrote the story and I am in the middle of it

I need solid convictions!

Psalm 139:23-24

I need a soft heart!

1 Peter 4:8

Proverbs 20:5 Be real

Proverbs 27:2 Let someone else praise you

I need support with our marriage

1 Corinthians 12:21-22 I need spiritual vision... to advocate for the children!

Equip my child

• I can teach them to have friends
• value comes from God

I need to get help with marriage and finances

Ephesians 6:10 Be strong

On the Mountain of the Lord

Genesis 22:1-14
Would God provide if I remained faithful to him...

What if this was a faith tester? How would my faith measure up?

Matthew 8:23-27
I panic during storms and even accuse Jesus of lack of caring!

FEAR or FAITH

Matthew 14:25-33
I step out in faith and don't finish...

Matthew 8:5-13
Centurion was a Gentile, an invader, and had blood on his hands... what was he thinking even approaching Jesus, much less asking anything of him? And Jesus responded, "Go. It will be done."

Where is my faith level? Faith is a decision.

Breaking Free: Chapter 1

Sexual addiction is an obsessive compulsive relationship with a person, object, or experience for the purpose of sexual gratification. Whatever the type or amount of the behavior, it is damaging spiritually, physically or both. The addict has has repeatedly tried to stop the behavior but at the same time is terrified of stopping. What drives the addiction is inadequate spirituality and deep unmet childhood needs that are valid but are mistakenly thought to be sexual needs. the behavior usually starts in the pre-adolescence and tends to shape the orientation and personality of the individual. Genuine recovery is possible only with outside intervention and divine help. (page 27)

Proverbs 5:15-20 talks about being satisfied with my own wife, may her breasts satisfy me. The Bible also contains a whole book to sexual satisfaction, the Songs of Solomon, so God knows about sex and wants me to be turn to my wife for sex, not somewhere else.

Jeremiah 2:13 talks about forsaking God... really, abandoning him. I am his people and I have abandoned God by doing my sin. This is a bit depressing for me, but I will push through it. I have dug my own cistern, a cup that cannot hold water because it is broken. And by doing that, I cannot have living water, the water God wants me to have. I have no part with the Holy Spirit.

Hosea Chapter 1

Hosea 1

• Isreal is a cheating woman who has turned to other gods.

John 16

John 16
I don't have anything to add that would be outside the obvious...

Numbers 1-3

Numbers 1

• The census. I don't have any insights on this just yet... maybe next time.

Numbers 2

• The order of the tribes and how they are to set out. Nothing of a great insight either. Sorry.

Numbers 3

• The counting of the Levites, plus some family information about Aaron and his children.

Matthew 5

Read the Bible on a Kindle 

Matthew 5

• Has the 'Beatitudes'
• Rejoice and be glad. I like that attitude.
• I started adding salt to my scrambled eggs due to seeing my wife add salt and pepper to hers. It's good. If salt looses it saltiness, well, it would be useless. Don't waste your saltiness.
• My righteousness has to surpass that of the Pharisee and the teachers of the law. Jesus was rough on the Pharisees. How much harder will he be on those who surpass their righteousness?
• Settle matters quickly and don't let anger fester within yourself.
• Look at people (women) right and not lustfully, otherwise you will be judged. Don't divorce unless your spouse cheated on you. And even then, God hates divorce (per Malachi). Don't break your vows. Just keep a simple yes and no, everything else comes from the evil one.
• Don't resist evil people. If someone slaps me, let them. Be sure to show love to that person, to all people who persecute you. By doing that, you might win some for Christ.
• Be perfect as God is perfect.

Matthew 4

Matthew 4

• Jesus is led to the wilderness and is tempted by the devil.
• Jesus uses scripture to defend against the tempter.
• The tempter uses scripture as well.
• When John was put in prison, Jesus began to preach 'Repent for the kingdom of heaven has come near.'
• Jesus calls James, John, Peter and Andrew to come and follow him.
• Jesus does miraculous signs by healing sick people while preaching the word. Large crowds began to follow him.

Matthew 2-3

I've just started reading this book and so far, it is really interesting. I find it fascinating that the mind can cause so much discomfort. The book focuses on TMS (Tension Myositis Syndrome), what it is and treatment for it. So far, I haven't got to the point where we have treatment.

Matthew 2:

• The story of Jesus as a baby, dealing with Herod, fleeing to Egypt and his return. He really brings to life Jeremiah 29, where it says 'For I know the plans I have for you'.
• There is a lot of fulfilling of prophecy thus showing that Jesus is LORD.

Matthew 3:

• A prophecy about John the Baptist comes from Isaiah 40:3.
• John calls for confession, repentance and good fruit.
• John's baptism is one of repentance and does not have the Holy Spirit.
• Jesus is baptized by John and the Holy Spirit descends down to Jesus in the form of a dove. 

Matthew 1

Matthew 1

• Reading through this chapter, it is fairly easy to glaze over the names of the genealogy. But I took note that was David's grandmother. Rahab was Ruth's mother-in-law, once she married Boaz... interesting.
• There isn't too much in the Bible about Joseph, but here is a bit about him. This passage shows his obedience to God. It does say that he was faithful to the law, so he is a servant of God.

Isaiah 7:13-16

Then Isaiah said, “Hear now, you house of David! Is it not enough to try the patience of humans? Will you try the patience of my God also? Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. He will be eating curds and honey when he knows enough to reject the wrong and choose the right, for before the boy knows enough to reject the wrong and choose the right, the land of the two kings you dread will be laid waste.