Diagnosis: SPIT-WATER – Edition #1

July 12^th, 2007

I went in for a “Check-Up”… Diagnosis: SPIT-WATER – Edition #1

I need to see the spiritual doctor. I have felt blah spiritually. I doubt I’m the only one who’s felt like that, but maybe I’m wrong and everyone in this whole-wide world is just a juggernaut in the BIBLE. AAARRRGGGHHH!!! They knock out scripture left and right. They’re Super-Hero Christians. I asked my wife if I was cold spiritually. I didn’t want to be lukewarm and I knew I wasn’t hot spiritually… I was actually hoping that I was cold, so that I would be something… I don’t know what, but at least I wouldn’t be spit water.

2^nd Peter 1:2-11

Grace and peace be given to you more and more, because you truly know God and Jesus our Lord. Jesus has the power of God, by which he has given us everything we need to live and to serve God. We have these things because we know him. Jesus called us by his glory and goodness. Through these he gave us the very great and precious promises. With these gifts you can share in being like God, and the world will not ruin you with its evil desires.

Because you have these blessings, do your best to add these things to your lives: to your faith, add goodness; and to your goodness, add knowledge; and to your knowledge, add self-control; and to your self-control, add patience; and to your patience, add service for God; and to your service for God, add kindness for your brothers and sisters in Christ; and to this kindness, add love. If all these things are in you and are growing, they will help you to be useful and productive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But anyone who does not have these things cannot see clearly. He is blind and has forgotten that he was made clean from his past sins. My brothers and sisters, try hard to be certain that you really are called and chosen by God. If you do all these things, you will never fall. And you will be given a very great welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I’ve been subtracting a lot lately. But here in 2^nd Peter, the scripture shows that I need to be adding, as well. I need to throw a “+ faith” and a “+ patience”… of course, I need to “+ love”, because you just can’t have enough love. Maybe my love will overflow out of my mouth… not literally, that’d just be gross (I guess that’d be “lovely vomit”? YUCK!!!).

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$80,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Does anyone know whose phone this is???!!!"

Wouldn’t it be great if I could just snap my fingers and turn things back to normal? If I were a computer, I could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel. I could put you’re my son in the recycle bin and restore him when I feel like it. Talk about a time out… I could improve my appearance by adjusting the display settings. I could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy. I could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys, which would be tremendously helpful. To get my daily exercise, just click on "run"… and if I mess up my life, I could simply press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over. But, I’m not a computer. I can’t run the “Turn to Jesus” software and kick-start my heart back in motion. I see what I need to do, I simply pray that if I go through the motions again, motivation will follow. I sure do need it.

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born. The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.” The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M." The third father opens the window and jumps out. The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?" One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.” The nurse asks, "Why?" He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

I just want to end this with a simple: PRAY for ME to get motivated. Oh, and here’s a link for those of you who want to know about a little boy I know who could use way more prayers than me. Rutger Johnny Out.