Sex, Men and God

Here's a list of emotions.

• Abandoned
• Abused
• Aching
• Accepted
• Accused
• Accepting
• Admired
• Adored
• Adventurous
• Affectionate
• Agony
• Alienated
• Aloof
• Aggravated
• Agreeable
• Aggressive
• Alive
• Alone
• Alluring
• Amazed
• Amused
• Angry
• Anguished
• Annoyed
• Anxious
• Apart
• Apathetic
• Apologetic
• Appreciated
• Appreciative
• Apprehensive
• Appropriate
• Approved
• Argumentative
• Aroused
• Astonished
• Assertive
• Attached
• Attacked
• Attentive
• Attractive
• Aware
• Awestruck
• Badgered
• Baited
• Bashful
• Battered
• Beaten
• Beautiful
• Belligerent
• Belittled
• Bereaved
• Betrayed
• Bewildered
• Blamed
• Blaming
• Bonded
• Bored
• Bothered
• Brave
• Breathless
• Bristling
• Broken-up
• Bruised
• Bubbly
• Burdened
• Burned
• Callous
• Calm
• Capable
• Captivated
• Carefree
• Careful
• Careless
• Caring
• Cautious
• Certain
• Chased
• Cheated
• Cheerful
• Childlike
• Choked-up
• Close
• Cold
• Comfortable
• Comforted
• Competent
• Competitive
• Complacent
• Complete
• Confident
• Confused
• Considerate
• Consumed
• Content
• Cool
• Courageous
• Courteous
• Coy
• Crabby
• Cranky
• Crazy
• Creative
• Critical
• Criticized
• Cross
• Crushed
• Cuddly
• Curious
• Cut
• Damned
• Dangerous
• Daring
• Dead
• Deceived
• Deceptive
• Defensive
• Delicate
• Delighted
• Demeaned
• Demoralized
• Dependant
• Depressed
• Deprived
• Deserted
• Desirable
• Desired
• Despondent
• Destroyed
• Different
• Dirty
• Disenchanted
• Disgusted
• Disinterested
• Dispirited
• Distressed
• Distrustful
• Distrusted
• Disturbed
• Dominated
• Domineering
• Doomed
• Doubtful
• Dreadful
• Eager
• Ecstatic
• Edgy
• Edified
• Elated
• Embarrassed
• Empowered
• Empty
• Enraged
• Enraptured
• Enthusiastic
• Enticed
• Esteemed
• Exasperated
• Exposed
• Fake
• Fascinated
• Feisty
• Ferocious
• Foolish
• Forced
• Forceful
• Forgiven
• Forgotten
• Free
• Friendly
• Frightened
• Frustrated
• Full
• Funny
• Furious
• Gay
• Generous
• Gentle
• Genuine
• Giddy
• Giving
• Goofy
• Grateful
• Greedy
• Grief
• Grim
• Grimy
• Grouchy
• Grumpy
• Hard
• Harried
• Hassled
• Healthy
• Helpful
• Helpless
• Hesitant
• High
• Hollow
• Honest
• Hopeful
• Hopeless
• Horrified
• Hostile
• Humiliated
• Hurried
• Hurt
• Hyper
• Ignorant
• Ignored
• Immature
• Impatient
• Impotent
• Impressed
• Incomplete
• Independent
• Insecure
• Innocent
• Insignificant
• Insincere
• Inspired
• Insulted
• Interested
• Intimate
• Intolerant
• Involved
• Irate
• Irrational
• Irked
• Irresponsible
• Irritable
• Irritated
• Isolated
• Jealous
• Jittery
• Joyous
• Lively
• Lonely
• Loose
• Lost
• Loving
• Low
• Lucky
• Lustful
• Mad
• Maudlin
• Malicious
• Mean
• Miserable
• Misunderstood
• Moody
• Morose
• Mournful
• Mystified
• Nasty
• Nervous
• Nice
• Numb
• Nurtured
• Nuts
• Obsessed
• Offended
• Open
• Ornery
• Out of Control
• Overcome
• Overjoyed
• Overpowered
• Overwhelmed
• Pampered
• Panicked
• Paralyzed
• Paranoid
• Patient
• Peaceful
• Pensive
• Perceptive
• Perturbed
• Phony
• Pleasant
• Pleased
• Positive
• Powerless
• Present
• Precious
• Pressured
• Pretty
• Proud
• Pulled Apart
• Put Down
• Puzzled
• Quarrelsome
• Queer
• Quiet
• Raped
• Ravished
• Ravishing
• Real
• Refreshed
• Regretful
• Rejected
• Rejecting
• Rejuvenated
• Relaxed
• Relieved
• Remarkable
• Remembered
• Removed
• Repulsed
• Repulsive
• Resentful
• Resistant
• Responsible
• Responsive
• Repressed
• Respected
• Restless
• Revolved
• Riled
• Rotten
• Ruined
• Sad
• Safe
• Satiated
• Satisfied
• Scared
• Scolded
• Scorned
• Scrutinized
• Secure
• Seduced
• Seductive
• Self-Centered
• Self-Conscious
• Self-Righteous
• Separated
• Sensuous
• Sexy
• Shattered
• Shocked
• Shot Down
• Shy
• Sickened
• Silly
• Sincere
• Sinking
• Smart
• Smothered
• Smug
• Sneaky
• Snowed
• Soft
• Solid
• Solitary
• Sorry
• Spacey
• Special
• Spiteful
• Spontaneous
• Squelched
• Starved
• Stiff
• Stimulated
• Stifled
• Strangled
• Strong
• Stubborn
• Stuck
• Stunned
• Stupid
• Subdued
• Successful
• Suffocated
• Sure
• Sweet
• Sympathy
• Tainted
• Tearful
• Tender
• Tense
• Terrific
• Terrified
• Thrilled
• Ticked
• Tickled
• Tight
• Timid
• Tired
• Tolerant
• Tormented
• Torn
• Tortured
• Touched
• Trapped
• Tremendous
• Tricked
• Trusted
• Trustful
• Trusting
• Ugly
• Unacceptable
• Unapproachable
• Unaware
• Uncertain
• Uncomfortable
• Under Control
• Understanding
• Understood
• Undesirable
• Unfriendly
• Ungrateful
• Unified
• Unhappy
• Unimpressed
• Unsafe
• Unstable
• Upset
• Uptight
• Used
• Useful
• Useless
• Unworthy
• Validated
• Valuable
• Valued
• Victorious
• Vindicated
• Violated
• Violent
• Voluptuous
• Vulnerable
• Warm
• Wary
• Weak
• Whipped
• Whole
• Wicked
• Wild
• Willing
• Wiped Out
• Wishful
• Withdrawn
• Wonderful
• Worried
• Worthy
• Zealous

The Feeling Exercise:

• I feel ______ (word from list above) when ______.
• I first remember feeling _______ when _______.

Rules:

• Do not use the same feeling word day after day. Doing this will lessen the effectiveness of the exercise to develop intimacy.
• Do not use one childhood memory for twenty different feeling words. Though several feeling words could describe one situation, it will be more effective to share as many differentsituations as possible with your spouse in the interest of developing emotional intimacy.

Guidelines:

• NO EXAMPLES ABOUT EACH OTHER. That means nothing positive or negative in this exercise. It helps create a nonthreatening place for both of you.
• MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT.
• NO FEEDBACK FOR 72 HOURS. This guideline is critical to keep the exercise safe for both spouses.

Emotion Study: Admiration

Admiration is a need in our family. I mean, who really doesn't like to be admired? So, let's look at what the dictionary says:

ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. (Devil's Dictionary)

Admiration (noun):

• A feeling of wonder, pleasure, or approval.
• The act of looking on or contemplating with pleasure.
• An object of wonder, pleasure, or approval.
• Wonder; astonishment.
• A marvel.
• A feeling of delighted approval and liking.
• The feeling aroused by something strange and surprising.
• A favorable judgment.
• Wonder mingled with approbation or delight; an emotion excited by a person or thing possessed of wonderful or high excellence.

Psalm 17

Hear, O LORD, my righteous plea; listen to my cry. Give ear to my prayer— it does not rise from deceitful lips. May my vindication come from you; may your eyes see what is right. Though you probe my heart and examine me at night, though you test me, you will find nothing; I have resolved that my mouth will not sin. As for the deeds of men— by the word of your lips I have kept myself from the ways of the violent. My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not slipped. I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings from the wicked who assail me, from my mortal enemies who surround me. They close up their callous hearts, and their mouths speak with arrogance. They have tracked me down, they now surround me, with eyes alert, to throw me to the ground. They are like a lion hungry for prey, like a great lion crouching in cover. Rise up, O LORD, confront them, bring them down; rescue me from the wicked by your sword. O LORD, by your hand save me from such men, from men of this world whose reward is in this life. You still the hunger of those you cherish; their sons have plenty, and they store up wealth for their children. And I—in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.

Mark 9:14-24
When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.

"What are you arguing with them about?" he asked.

A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not."

"O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me."

So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"

"From childhood," he answered. "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

"'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

This should be several parts in just itself. So, that is what I will do... Johnny Out.

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Emotion Study: Affection

Learning to Meet the Need of Affection

This is an area where I need to grow in. I need to grow in it in great abundance. And because of that, I am in study.

Affection is the most important emotional need for many, if not most, women. While it is sometimes among the top five emotional needs of men, it is rarely at the top of the list. That’s why it’s so hard for some men to understand its critical importance to their wives.

In His Needs, Her Needs, chapter 3, I explain this tragic situation and how men can learn to become more affectionate. To illustrate my point, I describe a day in the life of an affectionate husband:

• He hugs and kisses his wife every morning while they are still in bed.
• He tells her that he loves her while they have breakfast together.
• He kisses her before leaving for work.
• He calls her during the day to see how she’s doing.
• He buys her flowers once in a while as a surprise and includes his hand-written note expressing his love for her.
• After work, he calls her before he leaves for home, so that she can know when to expect him.
• When he arrives home from work, he gives her a hug and kiss and spends a few minutes talking to her about how her day went.
• He helps her with the dishes after dinner.
• He hugs and kisses her in bed before they go to sleep.

I’ve heard people complain that once affection becomes mechanical, or habitual, it loses its meaning. If it’s not spontaneous, it doesn’t reflect the deep feelings of affection. My answer to that complaint is that if you wait for spontaneity, you’ll be waiting most of your lifetime, especially if your spouse doesn’t share your intense need for affection.

Our behavior is not very spontaneous; it’s essentially habitual. Most of what we do, we repeat again and again. We have limited information-processing capability, and our brains turn most of our behavior into habits so that we can devote our attention to emergencies and new situations. This is what makes our brains efficient. If we had to think about everything we did, we’d need brains the size of houses!

If your spouse needs affection, get used to the idea that you’ll have to learn habits of affection. If they seem boring or mechanical to your spouse, the truth is that you’ve failed to develop the habits that actually meet her needs for affection. Learning to develop the correct habits of affection requires knowing something about your spouse’s reaction to your affectionate habits.

Once you have identified affectionate habits that your spouse would like you to create and others that you should avoid, decide on a plan that will help you form desirable habits and avoid undesirable ones.

Affection (noun):

• Synonyms: liking, friendliness, amity, fondness, friendship, love, devotion, loyalty.
• Fond attachment, devotion, or love.
• A tender feeling toward another; fondness.
• A positive feeling of liking.
• A settled good will; kind feeling; love; zealous or tender attachment.
• The condition of being closely tied to another by affection or faith.

Deuteronomy 10:14-16
To the LORD your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it. Yet the LORD set his affection on your forefathers and loved them, and he chose you, their descendants, above all the nations, as it is today. Circumcise your hearts, therefore, and do not be stiff-necked any longer.

God shows affection. If God is affection, then I should be affectionate. And trust me, I need to learn how to be affectionate.

I think the counter is a bit bright. I will have to dump it and change it around for tomorrow. Johnny Out.

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