Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Friday, July 17, 2009

Facebook Addiction

Yes, I have a problem with Facebook. It is addicting for me... and I seem to spend way too much time there. I have the habit of doing this with different applications, whether it is an online game, a video game system (like a Playstation or a Wii), and then as time goes on, I slowly spend less and less time with it. I am kind of hoping that is the case with Facebook.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Growing Pains: Part I

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus...'

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the Rabbi,who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said, 'Looking back on it, Circumcision may not have been the best way to start.'

OK, it's been a while since I dropped some humor. A friend sent this to me... and I thought it was hilarious.

Growth (Noun):
  • The act or process, or a manner of growing; development; gradual increase.
  • Size or stage of development.
  • Completed development.
  • Development from a simpler to a more complex stage.
  • Development from another but related form or stage.
  • Something that has grown or developed by or as if by a natural process.
  • The process of growing; full development; maturity.

So the question has been asked... am I growing? Is there some spiritual growth in my life as a disciple... or am I just becoming stagnant. I guess the question should be this: is there progress in my spiritual walk, or is there regression?

Progress (noun):

  • A movement toward a goal or to a further or higher stage.
  • Advancement in general.
  • Growth or development; continuous improvement.
  • The development of an individual or society in a direction considered more beneficial than and superior to the previous level.
  • Forward or onward movement:
  • The forward course of action, events, time, etc.

Matthew 13:24-30
Jesus told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.

"The owner's servants came to him and said, 'Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?'

"'An enemy did this,' he replied. "The servants asked him, 'Do you want us to go and pull them up?'

"'No,' he answered, 'because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.'"

-Well, the way I see it, there are two types of growth. One growth is a growth in righteousness. The other type is a growth in being unrighteous. I can look back on my years as a disciple and make a judgment in my growth. I can honestly say, I have seen growth in being righteous. Am I perfect? No. In fact, I would say that I am so far from being perfect... yeah, there's still plenty room for improvement.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

A Study on Love: Part XL

Exodus 20:17

"You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Deuteronomy 5:21
"You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. You shall not set your desire on your neighbor's house or land, his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

James 4:1-3
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
Coveting is not loving.

Covet (verb):
  • To desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others.
  • To feel immoderate desire for that which is another's.
  • To long for inordinately or unlawfully; to hanker after (something forbidden).
  • Wish, long, or crave for (something, especially the property of another person).

1st Corinthians 12:27-31
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.

-Eagerly desire the greater gifts... covet the greater gifts. Hunger for doing the better things that God has planned for you. So long as you have love, then everything is good. Without love, the gifts are useless. That's what the Bible says... Johnny Out.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

God and Baseball

Baseball and the Bible. You gotta love it!

And Abner said to Job, "Let the young men arise...and play before us" (IISamuel 2:14)
...and the people rose up (Exodus 33.8)
...and Jehosophat was the recorder and Sheva the scribe (IISamuel 20:24-25)
...and they said unto Jephthah, "come and be our [captain]" (Judges 11:6)
...and he measured two lines (IISamuel 8:2)
...and he set bases (I Kings 7:39)
...and they stood every man in his place around the camp (Judges 7:21)
...and behold, Rebekah came forth with her pitcher (Genesis 24:45)
...Ehud the Benjamite, a man left handed (Judges 3:15)
...the children of Israel said "who shall go up for us first?" (Judges 20:18)
...seek out a man who is a skillfull player (I Samuel 16:16)
...Judah shall go up first (Judges 20:18)
...and Judah took (Judges 1:18)
...three times (Exodus 7:20)
...and it was good (Genesis 1:10)
...and Abram went down (Genesis 12:10)
...out at the base (Leviticus 4:18)
...and Moses smote (Exodus 7:20)
...and it became foul (Exodus 7:20)
...and Moses went out (Numbers 11:24)
...and none came in (Joshua 6:1)
...and there was not a man left (Joshua 8:17)
...and Miriam was shut out (Numbers 12:15)
...and the children of Benjamin went out (Judges 20:31)
...and went into the field (Numbers 22:23)
...and Aaron waved (Leviticus 9:21)
...and he looked this way and that way (Exodus 2:12)
...and he delivered up (Numbers 21:3)
...and they ran as soon as he had stretched out his hand (Joshua 8:19)
...and they fell on their faces on the ground (Judges 13:20)
...get thee up!, wherefore now art thou fallen upon thy face? (Joshua 7:10)
...for it was an error (Numbers 15:25)
...second and third (Genesis 6:16)
...and Joseph spoke (Genesis 45:3)
...concerning the error which he committed (Leviticus 5:18)
...make an atonement for thy self (Leviticus 9:7)
...thou shalt fan them (Isaiah 41:16)
...then Joseph commanded them to fill their sacks (Genesis 42:25)
...and all the people saw it and then they shouted (Leviticus 9:24)
..."who can stand before the giants?!" (Deuteronomy 9:2)
...and Aaron waved (Leviticus 9:21)
...and pitched on the other side (Numbers 21:13)
...and suffered not a man to pass (Judges 3:28)
...but the seventh (Exodus 31:15)
...Gideon smote (Judges 8:11)
...Israel at first (Jeremiah 33:7)
...and Noah went in (Genesis 7:7)
...and there ran a young man (Numbers 11:27)
...he turned and went back (Judges 26)
...unto the base (Numbers 8:4)
...Noah walked (Genesis 6:9)
...let us go and sacrafice (Exodus 5:8)
...and Moses lifted up his hand and smote with his rod (Numbers 20:11)
...the hide (Leviticus 20:4)
...a long blast (Joshua 6:5)
...outside the camp (Judges 7:17)
...for a 'omer (Exodus 16:36)
...and the men of Israel and of Judah arose and shouted! (I Samuel 17:52)

Sweet!