The Joy of Loss - Edition #2

Wednesday, March 1st, 2006

A dawn of a new month… it is such a great thing. My brother is getting next week, Saint Patrick’s Day is coming up, and my birthday – it’s all this month. I also go check out a school, my heart is going to be tested for a heart attack, and some friends move down to Houston. It’s a busy month, a busy month indeed.

So, today is National Pig Day… and what the heck that means, I don’t know… Yesterday was Mardi Gras, which I for one do not like… people celebrate the idea of fasting by sinning before hand… and not simply just sin… abundant amounts of sin. It doesn’t make any sense to me, but I guess that is the way of the world.

Anyway…

The Joy of Loss – Edition #2

March has generally been a hard time for me over the years… simply because of my birthday. I have lived the life of a lie for a terribly long time. I believed that my cousin had committed suicide on my birthday long ago… it messed me up for many years… and then my aunt passed a couple of years ago and I got to see he grave stone. He died 5 days after my birthday. And I stopped lying to myself. But with that time… I was able to connect in such a way and allow release. And each year, it has been a better time for me on my birthday. And I am grateful… for the loss of my cousin and the coming to terms with it has been a renewing of my spirit.

Genesis 22:1-12
1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"

"Here I am," he replied.

2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. 5 He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, 7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?"

"Yes, my son?" Abraham replied.

"The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"

"Here I am," he replied.

12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

Hebrews 11:17-19
17 By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, 18 even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned." 19 Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.

God asked of Abraham what God himself was going to do. God stopped Abraham from sacrificing his son, but no-one stopped God. I can’t imagine God asking me to do something like this… to kill my son. And the thing is that Abraham didn’t question God. I am sure in his mind, in his thoughts, he was grieved for having to do it, but the thing is, his faith was followed through by action. Whether he didn’t agree with it, whether he was upset internally, I may never know… and when I get to heaven, I am sure I will be completely busy with having fun with my God to bother Abe about such petty questions. Abe more than likely was feeling loss in his heart for having to do such a task. There may be questions asked by people in this world, “If you love me, you will…” And that is all great and wonderful. Sometimes, it can conflict with what God says, and then it becomes a question of, “Do you love God or me more?” And that shouldn’t even have to generate a response. Am I willing to suffer loss on Earth for gain in heaven? I came so close to suicide myself for many years over the lie of my cousin’s death. As a child, I know that things get twisted, thoughts get turned around, and one simple thing becomes a purple monkey dishwasher. I don’t rake myself over the coals for my thought pattern. And why should I? It led me here. And for that, I find the joy.