The State I'm In

March 21st, 2006

The State I’m In

Goodnight, I am depressed. I don’t know if it is the weather catching up to me or what, but I am in the gutter today. It is now spring time, birds are chirping, flowers blooming, and the grass is growing. The sun is out and the clouds are gone, but I am sad. Tomorrow is another day. And I felt this depression coming on two days ago, and yet, I couldn’t really do anything about it. Over the years, I have heard many people say “just snap out of it” and do this or that… Snapping out of depression is just like snapping out of a broken bone. It can’t be done. A snap of the fingers isn’t going to make it go away. But the good thing is that I know myself well enough, I’ve been aware of my bi-polar disorder long enough to know the coming signs and somewhat prepare. The biggest thing that gives me hope is knowing that it will pass. Tomorrow is another day, and tomorrow I, God willing, will be in better spirits. Even writing this sparks a little more life into me.

Matthew 6:25-34
25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Luke 12:22-34
22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

27 "Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

32 "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Psalm 9:9-10
9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. 10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Do not worry, as it is written… easier said than done at times. I must admit, when I first came to the church, I was a HUGE worrywart. I have grown and changed a lot since then. I don’t worry much at all now… a still have a ways to go, but a would be a liar to say that I’ve come a long way. But the wonderful lie of depression is that tomorrow is going to be a ton worse than today (Or at least that is part of it). When I become depressed, I tend to feel that nothing or no-one can help. That isn’t true at all, but it doesn’t stop me or anyone else affected by this disorder from feeling it and experiencing it. Since I have been diagnosed with this thing, I’ve gone through all sorts of medication; I’ve walked as a vegetable, barely coherent, and experienced many ups and downs, including hospitalization. And to put a comparison on how society views mental disorders with crimes, I would say the parallel crime would be that of a child-molester. It is generally looked down upon, people don’t understand why it is the way it is, and treat you like an outcast. The reality is that child-molestation, as one of the uglier sins by society, is still viewed the same as murder, shop-lifting, or impurity by God. God sees it as sin. But it doesn’t stop society from viewing it as one of the worst sins of the bunch. Bi-polar disorder, depression, and psychosis are generally viewed the same way by society. I do see that it is slowly changing… and over time, more information will present itself and people will get a better understanding of it all. And Psalm 9 brings me comfort in it all. God is a refuge for the oppressed. God is a stronghold in my times of trouble. God doesn’t forsake me as one who seeks him. Two simple enough verses but powerful within my heart. I think today was a big rant for me, but I have to admit, I am feeling a lot better now than when I started.