Friendship - Edition #7: Friend Instruction

April 21st, 2006

Happy Friends Day!
Friendship – Edition #7: Friend Instruction

Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 18:21-22, 35
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

Luke 17:1-4
Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves.”

“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him.”

Matthew 28:16-20
Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Now, here is the question than I am looking today. If a friend of mine sins against me, I should forgive him. Even if he doesn’t ask for forgiveness, I should forgive him, right? Matthew 6 says that I should forgive, because if I don’t, my sins won’t be forgiven. But the next question is this: if my friend sins against me, should I place a consequence in his way to help him repent? The teaching used in Matthew 28:19 is matheteuo which means to disciple them, instruct them, to turn them into a scholar. I couldn’t find this word used any other place in the New Testament. But still, it doesn’t say anything about consequences for my sin to be dealt by a fellow disciple. If I sin against my wife, does she have a right to deal out a consequence? If my friend sins against me, do I have a right to deal out a consequence and punishment?

Teach (verb):

1. To impart knowledge or skill to.


2. To provide knowledge of; instruct in.


3. To condition to a certain action or frame of mind.


4. To cause to learn by example or experience.


5. To advocate or preach.


6. To carry on instruction on a regular basis in.

Instruct (verb):

1. To provide with knowledge, especially in a methodical way.


2. To give orders to; direct.


3. Give instructions or directions for some task.

Disciple (noun):

1. A disciple of Christ is one who (1) believes his doctrine, (2) rests on his sacrifice, (3) imbibes his spirit, and (4) imitates his example.


2. One who embraces and assists in spreading the teachings of another.

Discipled (verb):

1. To punish; to discipline.


2. To teach; to train.

Pupil (noun):

1. A student under the direct supervision of a teacher or professor.

Teaching is a very interesting thing… which is the discussion I had with my wife last night in regards to this matter. So, if a friend sins against me, do I “cross-train” and help him out or do I let it go out the window and let him continue to repeat his folly? Sometimes the best lessons are learned through discipline. But, there is this that comes to mind:

Romans 12:6-8
We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

And then in verse nine, it says that love must be sincere. It also says to be devoted to one another in brotherly love. It says to be patient in affliction. And being that the Greek shows that affliction also can be translated to persecution… it is not intended to be coming from a brother.

Hebrews 12:4-11
In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Rebuke (verb):

1. To criticize or reprove sharply; reprimand.


2. To check or repress.


3. To reprove gently but earnestly.


4. To counsel (another) against something to be avoided; caution.


5. To remind of something forgotten or disregarded, as an obligation or a responsibility.


6. To voice or convey disapproval of.


7. To find fault with.

And the definition of “reproving gently but earnestly” is key. Consequences and reproving gently just don’t seem to go hand in hand in my mind. Maybe I am wrong… but that’s how I see it. God hands out consequences, not me. I can teach… but I can’t pass judgment on someone else. Those are two different things entirely. To condemn someone to judgment is not my place. It is God who judges, not me. And when I hand out a consequence, I am thus passing a judgment. So going back to the question: if my friend sins against me, should I place a consequence in his way to help him repent? The answer as I see it is no. Because, should I do so, it wouldn’t fly with Romans 12:17-19 which says:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

Johnny Out.