A Study on Love - Edition #28

Friday, February 3rd, 2006

A Study on Love – Edition #28

Last night, I wanted to leave God. I wanted to quit. I had become disgusted with everything around me… and I blew up. I blew up like a volcano. My rage overpowered me to the point that I was going to leave God, leave the church, and that was just going to be the beginning. Now, I was sleepy, sick, and I felt alone… and so pride was not only there, but it was in massive control. On more than many occasions, I am gentle as a butterfly… in fact I can’t even remember when the last time I did something like this… explode beyond my means. I was borderline violent. I took care of what needed to be taken care of, and then I went and laid down on the bed and collected my thoughts. I was completely irrational… and I knew it. Besides, I can I leave God. He’s everywhere. I could leave the church, but God is everywhere. I talked with my wife about the emotions and feelings I had… and all is well. But I have found a huge need I have within myself. It’s simple, yet so complex. I haven’t felt needed lately. I have felt that if I simply disappear, I wouldn’t be missed. I guess it has selfish undertones to it, but I don’t know… it’s almost a natural feeling, though. I mean, if I have a girlfriend who doesn’t want to be with me… would I stay in the relationship? It’s human nature to be wanted and used in a good way. It’s a perk of life, I guess. I have become resolved in my heart to stay in the fight and be apart of the church and be a ground-shaker again. Onto the QT:

Romans 12:1-21
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. 2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7 If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8 if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

"If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

You see, I was dwelling in bitterness. And I wanted to repay evil for the wrongs I was feeling. I see that I have to overcome the evil inside me, the sin that festers, and overcome it with the goodness of God. I could see that my love was not sincere… in fact, I have had some downer thoughts on the whole “body of Christ” from which I have been hearing a lot about of late. (See 1st Corinthians 12)

12The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body.

My thought is… what part of the body am I. Lately, I have felt that I am the large intestine. I store up poop, I go through life virtually unnoticed, except when I have a problem, and then I am hated and despised for not working properly. Real or unreal… I don’t know… but my attitude shouldn’t be what it has been. And for that, I repent. I would like so much to a “more useful” part, but I guess that is not my lot. Anyway, Johnny Out.