Vomit Study: Lesson 4

Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.

Fools repeat the same mistake over and over again, expecting different results. By this definition, I am a fool. I have done the same sins over and over again, expecting different results, only to find myself in the early stages of a divorce, living in an empty apartment, almost friendless, and my kids barely see me. Not worth it. Not worth it at all. God is waiting for me to repent. So that is what I am doing. I repent.

Repentance is a choice. "If you repent, I will restore you," as it is written in Jeremiah 15. It comes across as a promise. God's promises can be held true. My promises haven't held true in a long time. I sometimes don't know what was wrong with me, but for the fact that I am the worst of sinners. My therapist tells me, reminds me, that I am a divine being having a human experience that sometimes sins. The fact is that I am indeed a divine being having a human experience that does indeed sin from time to time.

Psalm 119:9
How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.

Purity has been my downfall. I haven't stayed pure for a long period of time. I struggle with being pure. But the promise here is that if I depend on God's word, clean my heart out, then I can stay on the path of purity. It doesn't say that there won't be struggles, but it does say that it can keep me on the path of purity by living on God's word. So that is what I am going to do.

Vomit Study: Lesson 3

Leviticus 20:22-24
“‘Keep all my decrees and laws and follow them, so that the land where I am bringing you to live may not vomit you out. You must not live according to the customs of the nations I am going to drive out before you. Because they did all these things, I abhorred them. But I said to you, “You will possess their land; I will give it to you as an inheritance, a land flowing with milk and honey.” I am the Lord your God, who has set you apart from the nations.

God desires obedience. If you don't obey, you get kicked out. I should know this all too well. My sins pushed me away and out of the fellowship. It appears that getting back into the fellowship is going to be harder, much harder than I anticipated. I am trying to be the squeaky wheel that gets the oil, but my efforts seem fruitless thus far. I am not sure what else to do. I want to be restored. I want to do the work. I need to know what I need to know to make my heart changes. It is frustrating.

Galatians 6:1
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.

Maybe this is part of the gentle process. I feel like I am being tested, which is a good thing. Testing is good.

Vomit Study: Lesson 2

Leviticus 18:24-28

"‘Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. But you must keep my decrees and my laws. The native-born and the foreigners residing among you must not do any of these detestable things, for all these things were done by the people who lived in the land before you, and the land became defiled. And if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you.

This is a promise. If you defile the people around you, you will be pushed away, pushed out from the things that you love. No sin goes unpunished. Boy can I attest to that. Here I am living away from my family, I got served divorce papers today and simply couldn't focus on work, so I was sent home early. I have done detestable things, unspeakable things, that have hurt my marriage and the marriage vomited me out.

Deuteromony 30:1-3
When all these blessings and curses I have set before you come on you and you take them to heart wherever the Lord your God disperses you among the nations, and when you and your children return to the Lord your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you.

Here is my hope, that God has compassion and restores my fortunes from which I was scattered. The promise is that I take these things to heart and obey the Lord. God loves obedience. And that is all I can offer him.

Vomit Study

Proverbs 23:6-8
Do not eat the food of a begrudging host, do not crave his delicacies; for he is the kind of person who is always thinking about the cost. “Eat and drink,” he says to you, but his heart is not with you. You will vomit up the little you have eaten and will have wasted your compliments.

I haven't posted in a while, due to me being lazy and hard hearted. I think I am getting better now. I believe my heart needs to be where it is at for me to recover from my addictions. I have quit the things I need to quit now it is time to do the good things that I need to do. I have been getting a lot of advice for the past few days, my wife has filed for divorce, and I can't blame her. I have been a jerk and a glutton for a long time. It served as a wake up call for me to get busy on my recovery. I miss them. I miss my family a whole lot. I am so sorry for the things I have done and wish only to restore my relationship with them. Only God can do that now. It is out of my hands, really at this point.

Begrudge (verb):

• to envy or resent the pleasure or good fortune of (someone)
• to be reluctant to give or allow

Ever eaten with someone who seemed reluctant to serve? They seem nervous or anxious when you are over. I find it irritating to be around people like that. I am sure I have been guilty of it once or twice, only due to being new to the whole treating people when they come over. I am sure I will be guilty of it again, as it has been a long time since I have had friends over... all I ask is that you don't vomit your food up and allow some grace to play a part in my serving you.