The Tongue - Edition #3: Oil Based Speech

March 30th, 2006

The Tongue – Edition #3: Oil Based Speech

When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard:

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts to day; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!"
The response was immediate. Several legislators walked out during the prayer in protest. In six short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively. The church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India, Africa and Korea. Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, "The Rest Of the Story," and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired. With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called "One Nation under God."
If possible, please pass this prayer on to your friends. "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything." Think about this: If you forward this prayer to everyone on your e-mail list, in less than 30 days it would be heard by the world. How many people in your address book will not receive this prayer… do you have the guts to pass it on?

A friend sent that to me… I thought it would be good to share it.

Proverbs 5:1-4
My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight, that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.

Oil is pretty smooth. It’s like water, you can’t get a hold on it, but it sticks to you. Water is either absorbed or runs off, but oil, the base leaves a residue. The adulteress is something like the devil in this passage. He’s cunning and will make everything seem to make sense at the time. But in the end, he leads to death. It’s almost a warning of “be careful what you hear and be careful what you think you know.” The devil will exasperate and cause the heart to hurt like a skin sore. The devil irritates. And the adulteress is in no way different. The bible talks a lot about the prostitution of the heart, and in a sense, I think that Solomon is speaking not only of the adulteress, but of the real heart issue, turning away to other things. Go after this job because it can make you huge money… it will cause you to work on Sunday’s and many evenings, but at least it will give you bank. Wouldn’t you rather get season tickets to the Cowboy’s and miss eight Sunday’s a year at church? Hey, you get to look at the cheerleaders… it’s all good. And the boy’s just signed T.O.! These ideas may sound good to some, but it’s the adulteress speaking.

Proverbs 8:12-18
“I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion. To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. Counsel and sound judgment are mine; I have understanding and power. By me kings reign and rulers make laws that are just; by me princes govern, and all nobles who rule on earth. I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity.”

Arrogant (adj.):

• Having or displaying a sense of overbearing self-worth or self-importance.


• Marked by or arising from a feeling or assumption of one's superiority toward others.

And this is what really hits home for me… this definition of arrogance is something I displayed with the family. I felt I was simply better than them. That is not the attitude of Christ and that should not be my attitude. Knowledge puffs up, love builds up, as it is written. It is good to hate evil, but not people. Jesus hated evil, but at the same time, showed love to Judas. He even washed his feet and when he was betrayed, he let Judas kiss him. People always tend to talk about the feet washing, but I can’t recall anyone mentioning that Jesus let Judas kiss him. And it is something to think about… I mean, not only did Jesus know who was going to betray him, he knew when and how… and he was strong enough to even let his betrayer kiss him toward his death. Jesus could talk. He choose not to talk… I mean, the dude could talk circles around everyone, show them up one side and down another, making them look like the buffoons that they were, but he was wise and used discretion. Johnny Out.

The Tongue - Edition #2: Speech Therapy

March 29th, 2006

The Tongue – Edition #2: Speech Therapy

Psalm 55
Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught at the voice of the enemy, at the stares of the wicked; for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger. My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest- I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm." Confuse the wicked, O Lord, confound their speech, for I see violence and strife in the city. Day and night they prowl about on its walls; malice and abuse are within it. Destructive forces are at work in the city; threats and lies never leave its streets. If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God. Let death take my enemies by surprise; let them go down alive to the grave, for evil finds lodging among them. But I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me. God, who is enthroned forever, will hear them and afflict them— men who never change their ways and have no fear of God. My companion attacks his friends; he violates his covenant. His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords. Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. But you, O God, will bring down the wicked into the pit of corruption; bloodthirsty and deceitful men will not live out half their days. But as for me, I trust in you.

I see that as a friend, I need to keep my motives pure. A wise man holds his tongue. It is written that knowledge puffs up and that love builds up. And the thing that makes a wise man is that the guy has the knowledge, but he doesn’t go boasting around and spouting off everything he knows. Therein lies the difference. Things are getting better with the family, and I thank God for that. I have prayed, as I know many of you who read this have as well (and for that, I am thankful), and wounds are being healed. Wouldn’t it be cool to have a self-installed mute button on us all? I mean, I could give the controller to my wife, who has a great spidey sense and knows when I am about to do something stupid, and she could hit the button when my “stupid light” comes on. What a great invention that would be… All the same, though, I think in the long run, this is a great experience, a great lesson, that this has taught me (notice I didn’t say pleasurable). I don’t want to have the smooth speech and a war-full heart. I need to cast my cares on the Lord and he will sustain me.

The Tongue

March 28th, 2006

The Tongue

This is most likely going to turn into a series. I have been quick to speak and slow to get advice. And because of that, even though the things I have said have been, for the most part, truthful, they haven’t been beneficial. An argument can be made over righteous indignation and righteous anger, but if it isn’t beneficial on the grand scale of things, then it just becomes empty words and wasted time.

Proverbs 10:19-21
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value. The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment.

Proverbs 12:17-19
A truthful witness gives honest testimony, but a false witness tells lies. Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.

Proverbs 25:15
Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.

Proverbs 28:23
He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.

James 3:1-12
Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

1st Peter 3:8-12
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

1st John 3:11-20
This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother's were righteous. Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you. We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

I have heard it said that misery loves company. And within my misery, I have not sought peace, but instead I have pushed others down to my level. There was hope with my family. And as soon as hope appeared, I squished it and caused more harm than good. It goes back to the tongue. Love is patient. I was not patient. Love is kind. I was not kind. Rebukes are biblical. Rebukes are loving. If rebukes are loving, then rebukes are patient and rebukes are kind. So, if I say that I rebuked my family and I wasn’t patient and kind, then what I did wasn’t a rebuke at all. I don’t even know what I did. But I do know that it wasn’t good. I can point fingers at them and say they are in sin, and rightfully so… but that doesn’t take away from what I did. And at this point, I am not even going to think about the hurtful things that were said from them. I will search out what they said and try to become a better person and a better Christian from it, but from this moment forward, the pain from their words will be gone. I want Godly sorrow in all this.

2nd Corinthians 7:8-11
Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it — I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while — yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

I know repentance is something granted by God himself. My actions have not reflected love. I have repaid insult with insult. My tongue has controlled my actions. With a room full of proclaimed Christians, I did not take the high road. I was the one who yelled. I was the one who caused bitter root to spring. I was the one who separated family and caused much hurt. I blame-shifted, as it is a habit of addicts. I wouldn’t fess up to my responsibilities of causing this harm. I remember in all this mess, I kept saying that this person “did it first.” And that is immature. I blamed my behaviors on someone else and that was cause for me to yell. I need to control my tongue. Again, I need to control my tongue. I know the bible says that love covers over a multitude of wrongs (1st Peter 4:8), and this seems more than a multitude to me. I simply pray that this family can be re-united, that these sins can be forgiven by all parties, and that we can grow stronger and have deeper and more loving relationships. Right now, it seems like a lot, at least to me. To God, it is would be granted, if we simply ask. Please pray for my heart to humble out. I would much rather have a humble heart than a leg without pain. Johnny Out.

I Am Selfish

March 27th, 2006

Yesterday was a dark day for me. I don’t name peoples names in these posting anymore… to protect all those involved, whether they did good, bad or indifferent. But yesterday, I realized that I am, in fact, selfish. Selfish can be defined as being concerned chiefly or only with oneself. And when it comes to my walk with God, I do admit that I can be quite selfish with that… I try to protect myself as much as I can from struggles. I don’t like to set myself up for failure. I am selfish… I get concerned with myself when I see a situation that could present itself as a problem. Lately, I’ve seen a concern due to my struggles with alcohol. I have found myself walking down the “beer” isle at the store. So when a dinner party that was going to have alcohol, I asked that since my recent struggles to not have alcohol present. I brought forth this scripture:

Romans 14:19-21
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.

I was called weak and uncaring due to my struggle.

Romans 14:1-4
Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

I was also told that I was condemning them for having alcohol. I don’t see that I was but I am sorry for making them feel that way. I don’t mind them having alcohol when I am away, I simply begged that they don’t do drink when others who struggle with such things are present. People such as me look to them for comfort in times of despair. And when we do not find support from them, it is harder to stand strong when we are alone. And when faced with a trial and a simple request to not have alcohol for a mere few hours, they couldn’t do that. They choose alcohol over me. And that is their decision and they have to live with that.

Condemn (verb):

• Express strong disapproval of.

I just checked the definition of condemn (above), and to be honest, I wasn’t disapproving their use of alcohol. I didn’t even think she was an addict until I asked a question that went unanswered. I was completely shocked by her response. And then from there, she confirmed what other people were saying (and that is why I don’t like gossip, it tears people down instead of building people up).

It takes two people to have an argument. Yesterday, I was one of those two. I did not react in a humble manner. I did not stay focused on the issue at hand. We bounced around from one thing to another and I, for one, did not take an adult attitude and stay civil. I did not show common respect toward them. And even though I do love them, I did not show that. I did not speak the truth in love. Respect is a courteous regard for people's feelings. I can look back to yesterday’s skirmish and see that my approach was in due error.

1st Peter 2:13-17
Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.

The bible says that I should show proper respect to everyone. It doesn’t say show proper respect unless you are not shown any. I didn’t take the higher road yesterday. It takes two people to have a fight.

Luke 6:37-38
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

I condemned. I judged. And I am wrong for my actions. Last night at the party, I am sure that I was a hot topic. I am sure that I was roasted in the most wonderful way. I do know that life is too short to worry about what was said and done at times that I was not there… I do know that worrying does do anything good for the body. I had a ulcer in middle school that did me no good simply caused by worrying. I love them. I didn’t like them much at all yesterday. God loves me. He loves me irregardless of what I do. I love them irregardless of what they do. For many people, love is conditional. Yesterday, they felt that since I didn’t approve of their drinking, that I didn’t love them. They felt that my love was conditional. They felt that I didn’t love others… they felt I didn’t love them. They didn’t feel love. I at least loved them enough to tell them what they needed to hear, what others were saying. It wasn’t the way it should have been said. A guilty man flees though no one pursues. It started as though I wasn’t pursuing but as quickly as things escalated, I pursued. My heart was lost and shortly thereafter, friendships were broken. I only hope and pray that bridges were not burned. And that will be their decision.

I opened up to a friend last night about my heart in all that I have been going through. The physical and emotional pain through recent events, including yesterday’s escapade. I opened up about how I struggle with praying for myself. I don’t like praying for myself because I don’t feel worthy of blessings from God. We spoke for more than an hour and I would be a liar to say that I didn’t walk away encouraged. Many don’t know the trials I have been through.

My trials:

• Polyps on my prostate


• Inhesions connecting my stomach to my colon


• Bi-Polar Disorder


• A Torsion


• Diagnosis of a Heart Attack


• Leg pain that will spread all over the body – related to the brain


• Alcoholism


• Drug abuser


• Severe Acid Reflux which led to surgery

And the list can go on and on. I didn’t act like Christ yesterday. I prayed for myself last night. I prayed for many things last night. And I beg of you who read this to pray for me, my health, and for the situation above in hopes that a quick and righteous resolution can be made. Johnny Out.

Darkness into Light

March 25th, 2006

Psalm 18:1-50
I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry. Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it. He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet. He mounted the cherubim and flew; he soared on the wings of the wind. He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him - the dark rain clouds of the sky. Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning. The LORD thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded. He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies, great bolts of lightning and routed them. The valleys of the sea were exposed and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of breath from your nostrils. He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me. For I have kept the ways of the LORD; I have not done evil by turning from my God. All his laws are before me; I have not turned away from his decrees. I have been blameless before him and have kept myself from sin. The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight. To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless, to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd. You save the humble but bring low those whose eyes are haughty. You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the LORD and who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn. I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed. I crushed them so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet. You armed me with strength for battle; you made my adversaries bow at my feet. You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, and I destroyed my foes. They cried for help, but there was no one to save them - to the LORD, but he did not answer. I beat them as fine as dust borne on the wind; I poured them out like mud in the streets. You have delivered me from the attacks of the people; you have made me the head of nations; people I did not know are subject to me. As soon as they hear me, they obey me; foreigners cringe before me. They all lose heart; they come trembling from their strongholds. The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior! He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me, who saves me from my enemies. You exalted me above my foes; from violent men you rescued me. Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD; I will sing praises to your name. He gives his king great victories; he shows unfailing kindness to his anointed, to David and his descendants forever.

I just wanted to share that this is a really comforting Psalm, at least for me. I mean, God rescues… God can turn the darkness into light. He is a shield to those who take refuge in him.

Refuge (noun):

• A safe place.


• Something or someone turned to for assistance or security.


• A shelter from danger or hardship.


• Act of turning to for assistance.

“He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.” The word refuge here is translated from the word “khaw-saw” which can be translated into the words of confide, hope, refuge and trust. God is a protector for all who trust in him. (JRV) If I trust in God, he will protect me. If I hope in God, he will shield me. If I confide in my Lord, he will be my defense. So, as I am now entering a new age… the 32’s, I have been encouraged greatly by friends and family already today with well-full wishes. Thanks everyone for making this day special, encouragement never goes unnoticed, at least not by God. And that is what truly matters… Johnny Out.

Too Sensitive

March 24th, 2006

I journeyed to the doctor’s office this morning and actually was pretty fired up… I did some study in the waiting room, although it was in the KJV, I translating it into the JRV quite easily. The doctor and staff treated me nice. But toward the end of the appointment, the ever so unfortunately usual words were spoken by yet another doctor, “Wow, I’ve never had a patient so young to have _____.” I left in good spirits. I was shocked up and down my leg. I was knocked around my legs and arms to test my reflexes. I went through acupuncture. And come to find out, my leg is fine. I do have problems in other areas. But I am starting the grieving process. I went through denial on the way to pick up my son. I had lunch with my mother and expressed my anger at why I get “strange” health conditions. I think I simply skipped the bargaining stage and went straight on into depression. I am not at all sure when acceptance will come… but for one afternoon, pushing the first four isn’t really all that bad.

The Five Stages of Grief:

• The first is denial.


• The second is anger.


• The third is bargaining.


• The fourth is depression.


• The last is acceptance.

The bible has a lot of mourning within its pages. Abraham wept over Sarah and mourned for her. Samuel mourned for Saul and then went to find David. In Nehemiah, they instructed the people who wanted to mourn to instead rejoice. Job says those who mourn are lifted to safety. Ecclesiastes says that there is a time to mourn. Isaiah and Jeremiah seem to be all about mourning…

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Matthew 5:1-12
Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

John 16:20-22
I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

These scriptures are good. They touch my heart. Blessed are those who mourn because God will provide comfort for them, if not in this lifetime, in the next. It could say that. It could say blessed are those who mourn because God will let them win the lottery. It could say blessed are those who mourn, for they will be given food, flowers and stuff. Comfort, are you comfortable? Are you at ease physically, free from stress and relieved in the heart. Are you being soothed in time of affliction and distress? One thing that I like about the scripture, the verse, is the timeframe. Many people, me included, tend to look at things in a “right now” type attitude. I am mourning right now, so, GREAT JEHOSEPHAT, comfort me NOW! My grandfather passed away in 2001. It is almost five years to the day (was on March 28th) that he left me and my family to head to the afterlife. My mother still mourns his death. I believe that comfort is something that takes time. And it may not come in this lifetime. It isn’t promised to be a right now sort of thing. I would like for it to be, but it isn’t. I saw the coolest thing today, actually just a few minutes ago… I saw a pair of raccoons digging in the garbage. One big fat one was just outside the dumpster and it looked like he was ticked off by my presence. So I made sure to give him his room. Those guys are known to carry rabies and I have enough on my plate to add that to the books. My grief will turn to joy. With a heart attack on my plate and a MRI to come on my brain to check for a tumor and other things that could be causing my leg pain I struggle to see where the joy in this is… but it will come. Tomorrow, I leave my 31’s and enter into my 32’s… will I feel any different? I think so… there is plenty to rejoice over… living another day, seeing my son, visiting with family – who wouldn’t be excited over such things? To be honest, though, the idea of having the pain in my leg spread all over my body to where I am in so much pain, that doesn’t excite me in the least bit… but until that day comes, I am grateful for what God has blessed me with. A wonderful wife, an adorable son, a loving God, and an abundant support group unlike anything I could ever imagine. If death is knocking on my door anytime soon, I know that I have lived this life to the fullest the right way… and for that I am ever so grateful.

1st Corinthians 10:12-13
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

These medical problems, trials, whatever, God isn’t going to let me go through something that I cannot handle. Jesus was amazed by lack of faith and by amazing faith. When I, a mere man, am faced with a trial that God knows I can handle, am I going to give him the faith that he expects, a faith that amazes him in a good way, or faith that amazes him in a bad way? Option 1 is good… it’s not great, but it is still acceptable. I would prefer the second… and the third, well, I have been there and done that… it’s not fun for anyone, much like the medical tests I endured today. My nerves are hypersensitive meaning they are highly and excessively sensitive. In some ways, that is good, the good feelings can rage on and on, but the bad thing is that so can the pain. I wish my heart can be hypersensitive toward the good things in life and hyposensitive toward the bad things. I guess we can’t have it all… and if we did, then what would we do then? Johnny Out.

The Parable of Mr. Son

March 23, 2006

I wanted to share what a friend has shared with me… I found it to be good stuff, and he has shared with me over the last two days.

(From two days ago): I can relate. Bipolar runs in my family. I had trouble with it for years. I still am up and down but often it has more to do with my circumstances now.

I can tell you what helped me: 

• I read books on becoming healthy emotionally


• I educated my self on emotions


• I confronted my demons, so to speak, and found a lot of the source of my depression


• I worked to forgive others and myself


• I challenged my self-talk and worked to change it - I try not to allow myself to speak to myself in my mind in a negative way


• I chose to look positively at things and when I don't, I correct it


• I read somewhere that the gap between my expectations and reality was where a lot of my depression existed

 
Those in my family who are clinically depressed have a tendency of negativity. If you look at depression as a bucket filled with sand, pebbles, small rocks and large rocks; I started with the sand (self-talk), pebbles (those things I anesthetize with unhealthy behaviors), small rocks (relationship problems) and finally the large rocks (my expectations of life that were not rational). Attacking the large boulders are difficult because like an onion, you can't tell what is at the heart of depression without removing the layers. CR and journaling started the process but I didn't quit after the journal, I educated myself on emotions and read books on mental health etc. I became discouraged by many of the books I read because they made it sound like all one could do was 'survive' depression. Therefore, I used some of the exercises and ignored the talk that I would be a victim.

I can't say these things will work for you. I am not a doctor and do not understand all the aspects that affect mental disease. I can only speak for me. Not everyone was helpful in attacking my depression. Someone who doesn't understand can often make it worse even though they mean well. All I know is that it is hard but not impossible to over come depression and "feel normal." It takes work, prayer and openness.
 
I suggest you look at Ten Days to Self Esteem by David Burns. There are helpful exercises to work through problem times. I am not sold on the fact that self esteem is the answer to healthy emotions. The first step is being able to identify what you are feeling! Mad, sad, glad, embarrassed and afraid are good starting points and then you can add to those by looking up different emotions in the dictionary.

(Response from yesterdays): I have been dealing with forgiveness for awhile. This is good stuff.
 
I heard a good definition of forgiveness: choosing not to hold it against someone any longer...you are not saying its ok what they did; rather, you choose to let it go. For instance, when someone apologizes to another and they say, "Oh, that's ok." Many times it is not ok and we say it out of habit. I forgive you is a better response because hurts and being hurt is not ok.
 
Another saying I try to use now when I am hurt: I need grace and forgiveness therefore I chose to forgive. It reminds me of my needs from God and takes the focus of my mind off of the offense by seeing my own sin and the need to be forgiven by others and by God.

Well, I find this stuff very educational. I had to correct some words along the way, one word I corrected was anesthetize which means “to induce anesthesia in” or “to make unconscious by means of anesthetic drugs.” I think that may be the correct word, but I am not 100% sure. It seems to fit. I found that being conscious of the depression is a huge help. Being diagnosed bi-polar and having the know-how and knowledge of the signs plus the past experiences of being bi-polar make current episodes of depression an easier experience. I know they will come, albeit, the current experiences are fewer and less severe than those in the past, so when they come, I take for what it is, and move on. They don’t have as much “power” as they used to. I am not sure if it is that I don’t put as much weight into them now as I once did, or if it is that I study deeper into the word more now than I used to or a combination of both… I don’t really know. I do know that whatever it is that I am doing now is much better than what I did (or didn’t do) before. Thank you so much for sharing with me, and in a sense now, sharing with others. It helps, not only me, but everyone who may stumble onto my little blog who may be struggling with depression or bi-polar type symptoms.

Luke 15:11-32
11 Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.

13 "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17 "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20 So he got up and went to his father.

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21 "The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

22 "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

25 "Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'

28 "The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'

31 " 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'"

There are two stories in the bible that I thought of today… the story of Job and the story of the son who goes off and squanders everything. Horrible things happened to both people… some would say that the son did it to himself whereas Job was undeserving of what happened to him. Job was tested… Mr. Son (as I now call him) was disobedient. But in a sense, he too was tested. And he came back. Mr. Son takes his inheritance goes off to some crazy foreign land… let’s call it Amsterdam (1/4th of that city is said to be a “red light” district). So, Mr. Son is chilling out in Amsterdam and spends his money on alcohol and women – and then it happens, he opens his wallet and finds the proverbial dead moth and pocket lint. Over this time, he had picked up a girl-friend, but when the money ran out, so did she. He caught some STD while floundering around and the management job that he had was lost when he kept calling in sick from a hangover. So Mr. Son had to take a job as a sewer cleaner making six dollars an hour plus tips (which don’t happen in his line of work). And as he went into peoples houses to fix their sewers, he noticed the McDonald’s French fries that were stale and cold on the people’s counters and longed to eat just a few… and then he realizes… hey, I could go back to Cali where the homies are at and chill with them and get Steak Fries that are hot. Mr. Son gets on his humble horse and makes the journey home. He thinks he won’t be accepted. He doesn’t think he was even missed… the reality is when he got home, his father comes running up to his son screaming “Hallelujah, hallelujah, he came back!” His friends all rush over to him to greet him, hug him, and rejoice at the renewing of the friendship.

The son didn’t come back for the glory. He came back for help. He came back knowing that the place he was at wasn’t a good place to be. He came back because he knew that one can get cold alone on a winter’s day, but with family, there is always a sense of warmth, even on the darkest of days. Mr. Son was infected with a disease, he lost his friends (a word used loosely, due to they were fair-weather friends), and he lost stature. It started when he deserted those he knew. And the dominos began to fall… In my mind, Mr. Son is simply a sinner who gave up the fight, for at least a little while, and then went right back into the fight when he realized just how bad he messed up. I’ve played the part of Mr. Son in my life. I’m sure that everyone has at least once. At least to the part of giving up… whether it be in the heart or straight out rebellion, somewhere, sometime, it has happened. I’m just glad to be back in the fight again. Johnny Out.

Pardon Me - Note from Jenny

This was a really good quiet time, honey! It was especially timely for me since I've been struggling with things at work. I really liked the point you made about picking out the biggest measuring spoon. That is a good visual analogy to think about when considering how to treat others. But that alone isn't enough because my motivation would still be selfish (I'm only forgiving you this much because I want to be forgiven this much), so I'm glad you also pointed out that forgiveness needs to be from the heart, not just a happy face one puts on. I just had a small revelation...I need to use a big measuring spoon not because I want to be forgiven much in the future, but because I have already been forgiven much when Jesus died for me.

Pardon Me

March 22nd, 2006

Pardon Me

Matthew 6:5-15
5 "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

9 "This, then, is how you should pray: "'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, 10 your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us today our daily bread. 12 Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.' 14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 18:21-22
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

23 "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26 "The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27 The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28 "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

29 "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

30 "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32 "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35 "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

This scripture really touches my heart. The reason is that it brings me back to a time where I had a hard time forgiving someone. My mother told me about this scripture and how it allowed her to forgive someone. And I still see that I have a hard time forgiving people. Forgiveness is a decision, as it has been told to me. My wife reminds me of that on a fairly consistent basis. It’s interesting that a decision can be defined as “the act of making up my mind about something.” Some people feel there are things that are unforgivable, like a person sleeping with their spouse (cheating) or overbearing arrogance. Society feels that multiple murder and abusive sex acts are unforgivable. John 20 says that if I forgive others of their sins, then my sins will be forgiven. If I don’t, though, then my very own sins will not be forgiven by God. But what about the attitudes toward forgiveness? I mean, if I put up a good face, present myself in front of everyone and hold my tongue, doesn’t that account for something? The kicker is that Jesus says “…unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” I mean, it isn’t enough to just be civil to one another, forgiveness has to go all the way down to the heart. I have to forgive in such a way as to not pass JUDGMENT on them, and then move on. Matthew 7 and again echoed in Luke 6, it says “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” I heard a sermon once that talked about measuring spoons. If I want a great deal of forgiveness, I should pick out the biggest spoon in the store. But if it is little forgiveness I want, then a spoon that actually measures out a “pinch” should suffice. The type of forgiveness I want to have, that I need to have, is that of a patulous forgiveness, or a forgiveness that spreads out and grows. And the only way to get it, I guess, would be the way of 1st Peter 4:8 which says: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” It covers over my sins and those who sin against me. And that is a wonderful thing, for me, and those who sin against me. Johnny Out.

Forgive (verb):

• To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.


• To renounce anger or resentment against.


• To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).


• To accord forgiveness.

Forgiveness (noun):

• Compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive.


• The act of excusing a mistake or offense.

Accord (verb):

• To cause to conform or agree; bring into harmony.


• To grant, especially as being due or appropriate.


• To bestow upon.


• Allow to have.

Pardon (verb):

• To release (a person) from punishment; exempt from penalty.


• To let pass without punishment.

The State I'm In

March 21st, 2006

The State I’m In

Goodnight, I am depressed. I don’t know if it is the weather catching up to me or what, but I am in the gutter today. It is now spring time, birds are chirping, flowers blooming, and the grass is growing. The sun is out and the clouds are gone, but I am sad. Tomorrow is another day. And I felt this depression coming on two days ago, and yet, I couldn’t really do anything about it. Over the years, I have heard many people say “just snap out of it” and do this or that… Snapping out of depression is just like snapping out of a broken bone. It can’t be done. A snap of the fingers isn’t going to make it go away. But the good thing is that I know myself well enough, I’ve been aware of my bi-polar disorder long enough to know the coming signs and somewhat prepare. The biggest thing that gives me hope is knowing that it will pass. Tomorrow is another day, and tomorrow I, God willing, will be in better spirits. Even writing this sparks a little more life into me.

Matthew 6:25-34
25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Luke 12:22-34
22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

27 "Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

32 "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Psalm 9:9-10
9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. 10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Do not worry, as it is written… easier said than done at times. I must admit, when I first came to the church, I was a HUGE worrywart. I have grown and changed a lot since then. I don’t worry much at all now… a still have a ways to go, but a would be a liar to say that I’ve come a long way. But the wonderful lie of depression is that tomorrow is going to be a ton worse than today (Or at least that is part of it). When I become depressed, I tend to feel that nothing or no-one can help. That isn’t true at all, but it doesn’t stop me or anyone else affected by this disorder from feeling it and experiencing it. Since I have been diagnosed with this thing, I’ve gone through all sorts of medication; I’ve walked as a vegetable, barely coherent, and experienced many ups and downs, including hospitalization. And to put a comparison on how society views mental disorders with crimes, I would say the parallel crime would be that of a child-molester. It is generally looked down upon, people don’t understand why it is the way it is, and treat you like an outcast. The reality is that child-molestation, as one of the uglier sins by society, is still viewed the same as murder, shop-lifting, or impurity by God. God sees it as sin. But it doesn’t stop society from viewing it as one of the worst sins of the bunch. Bi-polar disorder, depression, and psychosis are generally viewed the same way by society. I do see that it is slowly changing… and over time, more information will present itself and people will get a better understanding of it all. And Psalm 9 brings me comfort in it all. God is a refuge for the oppressed. God is a stronghold in my times of trouble. God doesn’t forsake me as one who seeks him. Two simple enough verses but powerful within my heart. I think today was a big rant for me, but I have to admit, I am feeling a lot better now than when I started.

What is Love, Anyway?

March 20th, 2006

Sunday… yesterday’s message was great. It was better than great, it was stellar, star-struck, and it hit the subway to my heart. I went to a birthday party tonight and saw the man who delivered it. I didn’t create the opportunity to speak to him and let him know how much I appreciated him teaching me. Hopefully, he will read this and feel encouraged. He taught about love. He taught what love is and what love isn’t… but mostly focused about what love is. A man was in a hurry to meet his friend down at the nearby lake. On the way down there, he was stopped by a man fully dressed in red. The man pulled over, and the red man asked, "Hi, I'm the red jerk of the highway. Have anything to eat?" The man smiled and handed him a sandwich. He continued down the highway and was yet again pulled over by a man fully dressed in green. He stopped and the guy in green said, "Hi, I'm the green jerk of the highway. Have anything to drink?" Without smiling, the man handed the green guy his Pepsi. He started off again and started to speed down the highway. Yet again he was stopped by a guy fully dressed in blue. Sighing, he pulled over and pulled down his window, leaned out and said, "Let me guess. You're the blue jerk of the highway. What do you want?" "Registration and license please," came the reply. This was simply for humor, but I see that love is not is judgmental.

1st Corinthians 4:21 what do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?

1st Corinthians 16:13-14
13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 14 Do everything in love.

Galatians 5:13-15
13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. 14 The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." 15 If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Ephesians 4:1-6; 14-16
1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Colossians 2:1-5
1 I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. 2 My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, 3 in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 4 I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. 5 For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.

1st Thessalonians 5:12-22
12 Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. 13 Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. 14 And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

16 Be joyful always; 17 pray continually; 18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

19 Do not put out the Spirit's fire; 20 do not treat prophecies with contempt. 21 Test everything. Hold on to the good. 22 Avoid every kind of evil.

1st Corinthians 13:1-13
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

To love is to be someone who encourages. I am not exactly sure if these where all the scriptures that were shared yesterday or not… I don’t have my wife’s notes handy, and to be honest, I didn’t take any notes. Maybe that makes me a heathen, maybe not. I don’t know. But this is what stuck on my heart, and this is what I am responding with today. One of the things that really stuck with me is the whole “self-seeking” thing. How hard is it to be self-seeking? I mean, sports-wise, we always want to be on top, the first picked on the playground when teams are created. We always want to have the best sales at the company, the top profits, the most growth, the names mentioned in social circles…

Self-seeking (adj.):

• Pursuing only one's own ends or interests.


• Exhibiting concern only with promoting one's own ends or interests.

It really boils down to motivation. Do I do certain things to have my name mentioned on the podium, to get a plaque on teacher appreciation day, or do I do it out of love? The tricky thing is I think it starts out the latter and then twists itself around and becomes the first thing. A morphing motivation is really what happens. And one of the neat things that I see in all this, is that since love always perseveres, when the motivation starts to morph, the hope that starts the work and that is fed by the faith in the heart, it will be shown as the ill-heart that it is, and twist back into doing the things out of love. I mean, the plaques will come and go (1st Thessalonians. 5:13), and so be it… I don’t think we really need a piece of wood with some engraved metal to know that we love one another. I hope that isn’t the case. Love is having a gentle spirit. Love is having servitude toward one another. Love is being patient with one another. Love is holding others in higher regard, more regard than me. The message yesterday was a gem. It touched my heart and encouraged thought… and that is always a good thing. Johnny Out.

Share to the Choir

March 18th, 2006

What a nasty looking day! But guess what, I love rainy days. I like to sit out on the patio and smell the fresh watery air and watch the raindrops hit the ground. It just is a great and wonderful thing. Today is a friend of mine’s birthday. And on Monday of next week, spring! Normally, the Vernal Equinox occurs on the 21st of March, but for whatever reason, it is set for the 20th this year. The ancient goddess, Eostre, a Saxon deity who marked not only the passage of time but also symbolized new life and fertility, was the key symbol of this celebration which was also known as Ostara. Legend has it that the goddess was saved by a bird whose wings had become frozen by the cold of winter. This process turned the bird into a hare. Yet this was no ordinary cottontail; this long-eared rabbit could also lay eggs! The main symbols for Easter are the egg, for new life or beginnings, and the rabbit/hare, for fertility. (I got that, although edited, from equinox-and-solstice.com)

Galatians 6:1-10
1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5 for each one should carry his own load.

6 Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor.

7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

You know… sometimes I deceive myself. I sometimes think I am something on a stick. But really, what am I? The bible says that I am “a morning mist” and also dust of the dirt. And, in most cases, a stick is fiber, good old wood. If I mix the stuff in the bible up, I got mud (not the jeans – that’s Mudd). “Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor.” I’m not at all sure I understand this… do I go to my preacher and share what I have learned? Do I go to my small group leader and share? Do I share to God what I have learned, IE: prayer? I am a little confused… now, I do know that I should not compare myself to anyone else. It wouldn’t be fair to either Joe Bob or me to be compared to each other… that is, unless it is sports… but even then, it really isn’t comparing apples to apples. Age gaps, at-bats per pitcher seen, types of pitches seen, games played and with what injuries are they playing, do they have the juice in them or are they playing legally… I mean, when it all comes down to it, is it really apples to apples? I don’t think so. So comparing me to Joe Bob, whereas he has different life experiences than mine, isn’t fair. He could be a Christian twice as long as me, been raised in a completely different environment and have a completely different point of view of things… but I guess it would be good to learn from him and he from me. So if he shares with me the word and I get something good out of it, then I should let him know that he didn’t drop empty words… OK-OK-OK, I finally get verse 6. It actually took some time in the Greek and KJV to figure it all out. “Let us do good to all people.” I did see some people stuck on the side of the road not too long ago. I felt the urge to stop and help… but I wallowed in self-pity. I just didn’t want to stop. I ended up passing two people… and later I regretted it. I came upon a third person (all three of these people were in the same day), but the car was empty. It was an odd place to have been broken down, and I thought that they must have run out of gas… and sure enough, I saw they guy bring out a gas can as the nearby gas station. I stopped and gave him a ride to his car. Let Johnny do good to everyone (he chooses?); No, just everyone and then a period. So, I sinned when I passed up the two people, knowing good and well I should check on them to see if they need assistance… I didn’t do good to everyone. My pride held me out to dry. Anyway, this is all I have for today. My wife and I were desperate to have a child, so we went to our preacher and asked him to pray for us. “I'm going on a trip to Rome,” he replied, “and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you.” When he returned from Rome three years later, he came by our house and found Jenny pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Overjoyed, the preacher asked her where I was so that he could congratulate me. “He's gone to Rome to blow that candle out,” came the reply. Johnny Out.

Arlington Hilton

Sunday Service for the South/Fort Worth will be here:

2401 East Lamar Boulevard

Arlington, Texas, United States, 76006-7503

The Age All Battle of Good vs. Bad

March 17th, 2006

The Age All Battle of Good vs. Bad

Plug: If anyone wants to join a yahoo sports fantasy baseball league with me and some other Christians, go to http://baseball.fantasysports.yahoo.com/. The league name is Rangers Rule, the league ID is 54016, and the password is rangersrock. There is a maximum of 20 teams in this league, the draft is Saturday afternoon (and you can preorder your picks prior to the draft if you can’t be there), and there are now 5 teams signed up thus far (and I only signed up once, for those who might be wondering). There are still 15 more sports left and the draft in on Saturday around noon-time. Please join… I promise to tone my smack ever so slightly…

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

Job 2:10 He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

I’ve heard people rephrase this to say, “Should I not accept the good things from God and not bad?” I sometimes wonder what is bad. I mean, I have been diagnosed with a heart attack… at first, I was like “WHY?!” But as time went on, my mind seemed to change a bit. Bad is considered evil, sinful, vulgar and obscene. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound like God to me. And if God allowed the heart attack to happen, in my mind that can be interpreted as a blessing… (Work with me on this – I am going somewhere with it all). As one domino falls onto another, so is how God works. And with this heart attack, maybe my life is cut a little shorter, but it is just one domino falling onto another… God is going somewhere with it all. Whether he simply wants me to follow a better diet, or whether it is to help encourage someone else, or to help Elvis turn in his grave, I don’t know. But I trust in God, and that is really all I need.

Psalm 109:25-28
25 I am an object of scorn to my accusers; when they see me, they shake their heads. 26 Help me, O LORD my God; save me in accordance with your love. 27 Let them know that it is your hand, that you, O LORD, have done it. 28 They may curse, but you will bless; when they attack they will be put to shame, but your servant will rejoice.

God blesses. That’s what he does… and when he blesses, I should probably rejoice. A twisted view this may be, but with the knowledge of the heart attack, I now rejoice at the greater days to come, if not for me, for someone else. One thing I have realized is that I am born to die. Not a pleasant thought… but the thought is a real one. The reality of it all is that I was born on March 25th of 1974 and someday, sooner or later (and I hope later), I will more on to another life. What I can control is how I live my life now. I can make good decisions, trust in God, and help others. I can also make bad decisions, curse God, and help myself in foolish desires.

Deuteronomy 30:6 The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live.

Deuteronomy 30:16 For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

Simple enough… love God and live. Curse God and die… for me, it is love God and live. Have a great Shamrock day! Johnny Out.

0 Serving 1

March 16th, 2006

What a week it has been. I must admit, I am tired. I went to the hospital yesterday for tests… no word as to what the results are… and honestly, I just want an answer to the cause of the pain in my leg. Last night, I got to help teach in the kid’s class during midweek. It was a blast; however keeping the kids in order is always a big deal for me. The fact that I am just a big kid is always a cause for right with the children. Yesterday, I noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks. I was quite impressed with their hard work, but I couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally, I approached the workers and asked, “I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again.” One of the city workers explained, “The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today.” OK, I slipped a joke in there… couldn’t help it, really. But for the CR guys out there, remember that Confucius says, “Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.”

One thing first, though… if anyone wants to join a yahoo sports fantasy baseball league with me and some other Christians, go to http://baseball.fantasysports.yahoo.com/. The league name is Rangers Rule, the league ID is 54016, and the password is rangersrock. There is a maximum of 20 teams in this league, the draft is Saturday afternoon (and you can preorder your picks prior to the draft if you can’t be there), and there is only 3 teams signed up thus far (and I only signed up once, for those who might be wondering).

OK… now onto the actual study for today. In some sports, like Volleyball, the offense has the ball and serves it to the team defending… the server has the ball. And that brought on an idea… as a servant of God and Christ, I serve… that is, of course, the idea behind the word servant. It is the root word. But as a servant, I control the ball (at least, in a sense). I can choose where I would like to serve and I have the freedom to go here and serve and then go there and serve.

Ephesians 6:5-8 (NIV)
5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 6 Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 7 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, 8 because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.

Ephesians 6:5-8 (NIV – changes mine based on E-Sword)
5 Servant, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 6 Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 7 Serve with kindness, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, 8 because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.

Now, if this was in regards to Volleyball, I would serve a nice lofty ball that would be easily hit… and there would be no spiking. I would also play a defensive game, because I would have respect and fear of my opponent. And if they wanted a point and to send the ball to then, I would have to do so just to win their favor. Doesn’t sound like a fun game, really… simply takes the sport right out of it. But, I guess this would be Volleyball according to Ephesians 6.

Galatians 5:13-15 (NIV)
13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. 14 The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." 15 If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Bite (verb):

1. To cut, grip, or tear with or as if with the teeth.


2. To pierce the skin of with the teeth, fangs, or mouthparts.


3. To sting with a stinger.


4. To cut into with or as if with a sharp instrument.


5. To grip, grab, or seize.


6. To eat into; corrode.


7. To cause to sting or be painful.

Galatians 5:13-15 (NIV – changes mine based on E-Sword)
13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, be a slave to one another in love. 14 The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Have much Love for your fellow man as greatly as yourself." 15 If you keep on thwarting and beating each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

It is great having the E-Sword and checking out the Greek and Hebrew meanings… I don’t do it all that often, but when I do, it sheds new light onto things. Galatians really shows me what it means to serve. It shows me how I need to serve. I need to be a slave to others. I need to serve them with a loving heart. And in the US of A, the word slave is considered a no-no word. American attitude is to be all about me and my needs. And when I have that attitude, I begin to beat others down, I begin to oppose and defeat efforts of others and squish any ambitions they might have… not God like at all. Wow, very eye opening this QT has been… at least for me. Catchya again tomorrow, God-willing. Johnny Out.

2319 - addition by Jenny

I found an online etymology (history of words) dictionary that said:

 

"great hunter," 1712, in ref. to the biblical son of Cush, referred to (Gen. x.8-9) as "a mighty hunter before the Lord." It came to mean "geek, klutz" by 1983 in teenager slang, for unknown reasons.

2319

Tuesday, March 14th, 2006

An alternate title to Star Trek III was “Finding Nimoy.” My wife clarified that for me last night… thought I would share the knowledge. I would also like to apologize for comments made in an earlier email. The “Act of Congress” statement, I feel, wasn’t very loving. It wasn’t patient, it wasn’t kind… it wasn’t anything like that of a representation of Christ, which is what I am supposed to be. It has been bothering me, who I wrote that, and a brother was kind enough to address that in a call yesterday afternoon. Since I did say this in an open forum, I feel I should apologize in the same way. I am afraid that if I don’t, someone will shoot a Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator my way or scream 2319. And either way, it wouldn’t be pretty. I would much better take care of things now and end my life on the way to see Christ than to experience the whole gnashing of teeth. My brother got married on Saturday. His bride is in the hospital still and will be released on Thursday at the earliest.

Genesis 10:8-10
8 Cush was the father of Nimrod, who grew to be a mighty warrior on the earth. 9 He was a mighty hunter before the LORD; that is why it is said, “Like Nimrod, a mighty hunter before the LORD.” The first centers of his kingdom were Babylon…

1st Chronicles 1:10
10 Cush was the father of Nimrod, who grew to be a mighty warrior on earth.

Encyclopedia Account (from reference.com):
Mention of Nimrod in the Bible is rather limited. Nimrod was a great-grandson of Noah, being the son of Cush, who was the son of Ham. He is called the first to become "a mighty one on the earth" and "the mighty hunter before the eyes of the Lord", thence being considered an evil person and a tyrannical ruler. He is said to be the founder and king of the first empire after the Flood and his realm is connected with the Mesopotamian towns Babel, Erech, Accad, Calneh, Nineveh, Resen, Rehoboth-Ir and Calah. (Genesis 10:8-12)

Though not clearly stated in the Bible, he has since the ancient times been believed to be the one who lead the people to build the Tower of Babel. Since his kingdom included the towns in Shinar, it is believed likely that it was under his direction that the building began. This is the view adopted in the Targums and later texts such as the writings of Josephus. Some sources, however, assert to the contrary that he left the district before the building of the tower.

Called a "mighty hunter," it is believed likely that his ruler-ship included war and terror. He was a hunter not only of animals, but also a person who used aggression against other humans. Since some of the towns mentioned were in the territory of Assyria, which is connected to Shem's son Asshur, he is believed to have invaded territory that did not belong to him.

So, now why is Nimrod (noun) considered to mean to be a person regarded as silly, foolish, or stupid? I mean is originated as a mighty hunter, and not it is stupid. I can see foolish, based on his actions. In the definitions from dictionary.com, I noticed Nimrod also was loosely translated into rebellion… God floods the world, and Noah’s grandson starts rebelling and taking things by force… what a nimrod. Now, let’s all say it together – 2319!!! Johnny Out.

A New Day, A New QT

Monday, March 13th, 2006

I want to share a quandary that I have been thinking of lately. It starts with this scripture:

Genesis 10:8-9
8 Cush was the father of Nimrod, who grew to be a mighty warrior on the earth. 9 He was a mighty hunter before the LORD; that is why it is said, "Like Nimrod, a mighty hunter before the LORD."

So my thought is this: If Cush lost his son and they make a movie out of it, would it be called “Finding Nimrod”? I really do wonder…

Onto some scriptures that were shared with me over the last few days:

Psalm 40:1-4
1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. 4 Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.

Philippians 4:4-9
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jonah 3
1 Then the word of the LORD came to Jonah a second time: 2 “Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give you.”

3 Jonah obeyed the word of the LORD and went to Nineveh. Now Nineveh was a very important city—a visit required three days. 4 On the first day, Jonah started into the city. He proclaimed: “Forty more days and Nineveh will be overturned.” 5 The Ninevites believed God. They declared a fast, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth.

6 When the news reached the king of Nineveh, he rose from his throne, took off his royal robes, covered himself with sackcloth and sat down in the dust. 7 Then he issued a proclamation in Nineveh: “By the decree of the king and his nobles: Do not let any man or beast, herd or flock, taste anything; do not let them eat or drink. 8 But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth. Let everyone call urgently on God. Let them give up their evil ways and their violence. 9 Who knows? God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish.”

10 When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened.

Matthew 15:21-28
21 Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 22 A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession.”

23 Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”

24 He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”

25 The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.

26 He replied, “It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs.”

27 “Yes, Lord,” she said, “but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table.”

28 Then Jesus answered, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

2nd Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

This is what was sent to me… and it is great stuff. God did change his mind with those of Nineveh. He didn’t change his mind with David’s son. And with all these scriptures, I can’t help but think of the U2 concert back in October of last year. The guy was bold enough to ask (I had mentioned this, I am sure at least once since then, but I will tell again in slight detail here). This guy is out in the crowd and he asked Bono if he could play with the band… and his request was granted. He didn’t know if Bono would let him play, but the thing is, if he didn’t ask, he was for sure to not play. But by asking, his request was granted. David knew the road before him… and God had set his decree. But David also knew that he could ask, and maybe God would grant his request. God didn’t, but if David had not tried, he would have felt even worse without giving any effort. And with the emails that were sent, I know that I should try, even if the results are nil, an effort should be given and pray for the best. God’s will is always a mystery, but my efforts should not be… and I think that is the true calling of a disciple. To do the will and act of God as best I know how. Thanks so much for the encouragement, the calls and emails have been a true blessing and it hasn’t gone unnoticed by me or by God.

Here is a little survey that was sent to me this morning, I thought I would share it with you all.

WHAT TIME DID I GET UP THIS MORNING?

• This morning, I slept in a little and got up at somewhere between 7:30 and 8.

DO I PREFER DIAMONDS OR PEARLS?

• Really? Well, I would say… neither. I don’t care all that much for jewelry.

WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM I SAW AT THE CINEMA?

• I know it was at the dollar theatre… I think it was Zathura… but I may have seen something sense.

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE T.V. SHOW?

• All time, I would say Earthworm Jim. Currently, since EJ is no more, it would be House.

WHAT DID I HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?

• A donut.

WHAT IS MY MIDDLE NAME(S):

• Michael

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE CUISINE?

• Steak or Seafood (IE: Shrimp, Lobster, Salmon)

WHAT FOODS DO I DISLIKE?

• Tomatoes and anything pretty much with small seeds that can get stuck in your teeth.

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE CHIP FLAVOR?

• Ranch potato chips, I guess.

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE CD AT THE MOMENT?

• Snow Patrol’s newest CD

WHAT KIND OF CAR DO I DRIVE?

• A 2005 Ford Freestar

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH?

• PB and J

WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO I DESPISE?

• Excuse making

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING?

• Hats!

IF I COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD I GO?

• I don’t know… New York City has a lot of museums and Europe does too… one or the other.

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING?

• I don’t really have a favorite brand.

TO WHERE WOULD I LIKE TO RETIRE?

• Colorado, maybe… not all that important to me.

WHAT WAS MY MOST MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY?

• I’ve had a few… arcade games one time, my wife did a pirate theme a couple of years ago…

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?

• Really? Do we have to go there? Baseball, hands down!

WHERE IS THE FURTHEST PLACE I AM SENDING THIS?

• I am going to send this with my quiet time, so no telling where it will end up.

WHO DO I LEAST EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK TO ME?

• I think this does make it out to Africa, so anyone from there would be a bit of a surprise… although I rarely get any emails back, so expectations are fairly low to begin with.

PERSON I EXPECT TO SEND IT BACK FIRST?

• Jenny or Robert

GOAL(S) I HAVE FOR MYSELF?

• Outside of the yearly goals, I have to finish up college and become a high school algebra teacher.

WHEN IS MY BIRTHDAY?

• March 25th, 1974

WHEN IS MY ANNIVERSARY?

• April 1st, 1999

AM I A MORNING PERSON OR A NIGHT PERSON?

• Depends on the day

WHAT IS MY SHOE SIZE?

• Depends on the shoe – normally 10 ½

ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS I'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH EVERYONE?

• Uuummm, I can’t think of anything off the top of my head. Maybe a little more luck tomorrow after I get back from DBU (that’s Dallas Baptist University, for the Bostonites out there).

WHAT DID I WANT TO BE WHEN I WAS LITTLE?

• A chef

HOW AM I TODAY?

• Super fantastic

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE CANDY?

• Chocolate Truffles

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE FLOWER?

• Not so much the flower, as it is the color. Blue is good, as is red.

WHAT IS A DATE ON THE CALENDAR I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO?

• My birthday – I get to see the Phantom that afternoon.

WHERE IS THE FURTHEST I HAVE EVER BEEN FROM HOME?

• Jamaica and Washington State… not sure which one is the furthest.

SMALL THING I REALLY ENJOY?

• My son

Spirit Health

Thursday, March 9th, 2006

What a crappy weak this has been… there have been some bright spots along the way, but overall, I am seeing the glass as three quarters empty and not even the slightest bit full. Tuesday, diagnosis heart attack… today, prostate problems, possible blood clot issues, and neurological problems that require testing are all adding to the things I have to look forward to in the near future. I am bitter about other things as well, so to say that I am fighting depression is without a doubt an understatement. I don’t like being sad or down in the mouth, but here I am, in the land of frustration due to the lot that has been given me… “Rejoice in the lord always” as it is said, and I sometimes wonder, “How can one rejoice with these types of issues?” I am not all that sure. My demeanor isn’t all that shaken and in fact, if you were to talk to me right now, I am sure you wouldn’t be able to tell that all these things were said to me this week. In fact, my cardiologist was surprised that I am still alive. He and Dr. House have a lot of things in common with bedside manner. I haven’t posted since Sunday evening and thought I would today… I don’t really expect to be in the Sunday bulletin since I really feel that takes an act of congress these days to get in there… but I really have stopped trying… what can you do, right? I want to search out a few things that my brother’s fiancé mentioned a few nights ago… she talked to me about faith and asking God to take away the damage that my heart got from the heart attack. I told her that the heart attack was from the ill living I did from years ago and that as a result of my sin; I had to feel the effects - that’s what happens.

I have put this scripture on many times… but here it is again.

2nd Samuel 12:1-12
1 The LORD sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, "There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.

4 "Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him."

5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, "As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this deserves to die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity."

7 Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man! This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master's house to you, and your master's wives into your arms. I gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.'

11 "This is what the LORD says: 'Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.' "

David sinned… he repents… but the judgment is the same. Just because he repents doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel the consequences. And how should my life be any different? I have sinned, I repent (with the blessing of my lord, should he grant me that), but should I not feel the consequences? Am I any better than David? Just because I am feeling sick, that my body is ill, why should I get any better treatment than one of the great ones of the bible? Yes, God heals, Jesus heals, and I don’t see any reason asking for that health… but to be honest with you, my faith isn’t that strong.

Acts 28:23-27
23 They arranged to meet Paul on a certain day, and came in even larger numbers to the place where he was staying. From morning till evening he explained and declared to them the kingdom of God and tried to convince them about Jesus from the Law of Moses and from the Prophets. 24 Some were convinced by what he said, but others would not believe. 25 They disagreed among themselves and began to leave after Paul had made this final statement: "The Holy Spirit spoke the truth to your forefathers when he said through Isaiah the prophet: 26 "'Go to this people and say, "You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving." 27 For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.'

I sometimes wonder if my heart is becoming calloused. Seriously, I think it might. But irregardless, the healing that I see, it’s more about the healing of the heart… the healing of the soul and kinsman ship with God and Christ. I could be wrong… but in the NIV, this is the last scripture that talks about healing… after acts, healing is no longer mentioned. Not sure why… maybe the physical healing has moved on. I’m not sure and gladly, it’s not my call. But I can say this: my heart can stand a little healing… spiritually speaking. I know this hasn’t been the most “fired up” quiet time and doesn’t make for cheery reading, but this is really where I am at right now… I guess the one great thing I can report is that my patio looks AWESOME… you all must come by and check it out when it is finally finished with the décor. Johnny Out.