August 26th, 2006
This is the first quiet time I have had in a while. I started missing due to my illness, the fuzzy headedness that I get from my medication, and then I stopped having them out of spite. To put it plainly, I just got angry with God. I felt that even though he could do anything he wanted, he created the heavens and the earth, the birds of the air and the creatures of the ground, he could do all these things… and I’m in pain and he CAN’T take it away. I have felt that he can not work in my situation. I felt that he could but I have lost that feeling. Doubt isn’t uncommon though, not in my situation or anyone else who faces a trial. It’s what that person does in the face of doubt that will hopefully define their character. And I’ll be honest, I’m not puffing myself up to say that I’ve “arrived” at some new level of Christianity in my life. The road I still have ahead of me is rough and bumpy, and to say that I won’t doubt God again, if not soon, then later, would be unreal and simply not in touch with reality.
Hebrews 10:26-31
If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” and again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
Deliberately (adverb):
This is the first quiet time I have had in a while. I started missing due to my illness, the fuzzy headedness that I get from my medication, and then I stopped having them out of spite. To put it plainly, I just got angry with God. I felt that even though he could do anything he wanted, he created the heavens and the earth, the birds of the air and the creatures of the ground, he could do all these things… and I’m in pain and he CAN’T take it away. I have felt that he can not work in my situation. I felt that he could but I have lost that feeling. Doubt isn’t uncommon though, not in my situation or anyone else who faces a trial. It’s what that person does in the face of doubt that will hopefully define their character. And I’ll be honest, I’m not puffing myself up to say that I’ve “arrived” at some new level of Christianity in my life. The road I still have ahead of me is rough and bumpy, and to say that I won’t doubt God again, if not soon, then later, would be unreal and simply not in touch with reality.
Hebrews 10:26-31
If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” and again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
Deliberately (adverb):
- With intention; in an intentional manner.
Intention (noun):
- A course of action that one intends to follow.
- An act of intending; a volition that you intend to carry out.
Hebrews 10:26 deliberately:
hek-oo-see'-oce
Voluntarily: - willfully, willingly.
Voluntarily (adj.):
- Out of your own free will.
This is just some things for me to think about as I struggle with my pain. And not just my pain, but when this passes and I am 45 years old and have another trial of whatever sorts, I still have to ask the question, am I going to stand up, be a volunteer for God or sin? Is my intention to do it God’s way or the sinful way? Because if I volunteer to not do it God’s way, knowing good and well what God’s way is, then there is only a fearful expectation left for me. Do I want God’s love or God’s wrath? Just a nugget for the day… Johnny Out.
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