Friday, January 6th, 2006
A Study on Love – Edition #5
The three things:
- Is there a fact to believe here?
- Is there a promise to trust?
- Is there a command to obey?
Well, today is Friday… the weekend is coming. And I have been very depressed since the start of the New Year.
Depression (noun):
- A state of feeling sad; a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty with thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal thoughts or an attempt to commit suicide.
I wouldn’t say that I fit this bill entirely, but I can definitely see myself continuing on this road… and that is a huge concern. I don’t even like this part of town, much less the road I am on. And I have realized why I feel the way I do, in fact I realized it several days ago. But the fact of knowing didn’t change anything… which I thought it would, but it didn’t. I feel guilty. My aunt passed away and I didn’t have as close a relationship with her as I think I probably should have. And now there is nothing I can do about it.
Guilt (noun):
- Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
- Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
So I am not at all sure what I need to do at this point. I have felt greatly encouraged when visitors come over. We had midweek at my place Wednesday and watched a little Rose Bowl (great game, by the way) and it was just great to be with people. Not that my son isn’t people, but the conversation with him right now isn’t all that stimulating.
Exodus 34:4-9
4 So Moses chiseled out two stone tablets like the first ones and went up Mount Sinai early in the morning, as the LORD had commanded him; and he carried the two stone tablets in his hands. 5 Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. 6 And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, 7 maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."
8 Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped. 9 "O Lord, if I have found favor in your eyes," he said, "then let the Lord go with us. Although this is a stiff-necked people, forgive our wickedness and our sin, and take us as your inheritance."
There have been times where I will have a stray hair on me, touching my skin and it feels like a bug is on me. But there isn’t a bug, it’s a hair. Now, I said I felt guilty of not pursuing a relationship. With my mom’s, dads, and wife’s family, well there is just way too many of them to keep count, much less build deep relationships with throughout each year. I don’t think God is going to say – because you didn’t build a deep relationship with your aunt who lived in Washington State, I am sending you to hell. He forgives sin. He also punishes it. If my child where to stick his hand in the cookie jar after I told him not too, I will forgive him, but there will also be a punishment. Now, I am not going to punish his children for his misdeed, but you get the idea.
Punish (verb):
- To impose a penalty on for a fault, offense, or violation.
- To inflict a penalty for the commission of (an offense) in retribution or retaliation or as a deterrent.
As the saying goes, “you do the crime, you do the time.” God does abound in love and faithfulness. And sometimes the hardest thing to do as a parent is to discipline your children. My son is almost eight months old and it already feels like I discipline him. I guess that’s what they call tough love. Anyway… I guess I will leave today’s as is… Johnny Out.
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