Spirit Health

Thursday, March 9th, 2006

What a crappy weak this has been… there have been some bright spots along the way, but overall, I am seeing the glass as three quarters empty and not even the slightest bit full. Tuesday, diagnosis heart attack… today, prostate problems, possible blood clot issues, and neurological problems that require testing are all adding to the things I have to look forward to in the near future. I am bitter about other things as well, so to say that I am fighting depression is without a doubt an understatement. I don’t like being sad or down in the mouth, but here I am, in the land of frustration due to the lot that has been given me… “Rejoice in the lord always” as it is said, and I sometimes wonder, “How can one rejoice with these types of issues?” I am not all that sure. My demeanor isn’t all that shaken and in fact, if you were to talk to me right now, I am sure you wouldn’t be able to tell that all these things were said to me this week. In fact, my cardiologist was surprised that I am still alive. He and Dr. House have a lot of things in common with bedside manner. I haven’t posted since Sunday evening and thought I would today… I don’t really expect to be in the Sunday bulletin since I really feel that takes an act of congress these days to get in there… but I really have stopped trying… what can you do, right? I want to search out a few things that my brother’s fiancé mentioned a few nights ago… she talked to me about faith and asking God to take away the damage that my heart got from the heart attack. I told her that the heart attack was from the ill living I did from years ago and that as a result of my sin; I had to feel the effects - that’s what happens.

I have put this scripture on many times… but here it is again.

2nd Samuel 12:1-12
1 The LORD sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, "There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.

4 "Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him."

5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, "As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this deserves to die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity."

7 Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man! This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master's house to you, and your master's wives into your arms. I gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.'

11 "This is what the LORD says: 'Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.' "

David sinned… he repents… but the judgment is the same. Just because he repents doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel the consequences. And how should my life be any different? I have sinned, I repent (with the blessing of my lord, should he grant me that), but should I not feel the consequences? Am I any better than David? Just because I am feeling sick, that my body is ill, why should I get any better treatment than one of the great ones of the bible? Yes, God heals, Jesus heals, and I don’t see any reason asking for that health… but to be honest with you, my faith isn’t that strong.

Acts 28:23-27
23 They arranged to meet Paul on a certain day, and came in even larger numbers to the place where he was staying. From morning till evening he explained and declared to them the kingdom of God and tried to convince them about Jesus from the Law of Moses and from the Prophets. 24 Some were convinced by what he said, but others would not believe. 25 They disagreed among themselves and began to leave after Paul had made this final statement: "The Holy Spirit spoke the truth to your forefathers when he said through Isaiah the prophet: 26 "'Go to this people and say, "You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving." 27 For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.'

I sometimes wonder if my heart is becoming calloused. Seriously, I think it might. But irregardless, the healing that I see, it’s more about the healing of the heart… the healing of the soul and kinsman ship with God and Christ. I could be wrong… but in the NIV, this is the last scripture that talks about healing… after acts, healing is no longer mentioned. Not sure why… maybe the physical healing has moved on. I’m not sure and gladly, it’s not my call. But I can say this: my heart can stand a little healing… spiritually speaking. I know this hasn’t been the most “fired up” quiet time and doesn’t make for cheery reading, but this is really where I am at right now… I guess the one great thing I can report is that my patio looks AWESOME… you all must come by and check it out when it is finally finished with the décor. Johnny Out.